The pregnancy was a huge shock to us both...

I am 33 years old and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am married and we have two children a nice home and good jobs. The pregnancy was a huge shock to us both. I had severe PND after my son was born and took two years to recover and enjoy my son. I have a termination booked for the first week in July and cannot decide what to do. I wish this was not happening to me and hope I make the right decision on the day. Every day my feelings change. I do not agree with abortion but I do not want to suffer again. X Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…it sounds as if you are really struggling to know the right thing to do. I don’t think you should hope to make the right decision on the day – you might base your decision simply on negative emotions at the time. You could still be in two minds but get swept along with it just by being there. Many women report not being able to say anything at that stage or having the courage to leave. You’ve made a bold statement saying you don’t agree with abortion. This tells me that there are deeper values present which, if crossed, may cause you emotional problems later on. But I also understand your fear about post-natal depression. Your feelings change every day because your fear of PND and your deeper feelings about abortion are in conflict. Fear makes us want to avoid pain and its logical conclusion is ‘end the pregnancy’, but in reality there may be difficult emotional pain, including depression, involved in that choice too. Your deeper feelings about either having a baby or about abortion may be to do with your instinct, your conscience or your beliefs, and which may be telling you, ‘I don’t want an abortion’ or even, ‘I want my baby’. Perhaps for you, it’s time to have courage to face your pregnancy not with fear in your heart but with love. Love is bigger than fear. Why not talk it through on the helpline confidentially? Or visit your nearest centre or use Online Advisor. I think you’d benefit from some support in your dilemma. We’ll be thinking of you.

This story was sent in on 25/06/2007

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