I am 8 weeks pregnant and have been thinking about abortion since I found out at 5 weeks.

I am in a relationship but not married, and I am 18 weeks pregnant.
I have been thinking about abortion since I found out at about 5 weeks. I booked for the initial assessment and termination all on the same day at about 7 weeks. During the consultation at the abortion clinic I informed the nurses that I had been confused about the abortion but that I'd decided to have it that day.
One of the nurses insisted that I could not have it given that I'd voiced some uncertainty earlier and that I'd have to go away and come back on another day.

I have since made further appointments but cancelled on or just before the day. My main dilemma is that I am christian, yes surprising I know and I am constantly thinking of the sin and the judgement it brings.
However, I know that I will be rejected by the 'brothers and sisters' there who will judge me once this comes to the open. I've also been reading a lot on abortion among Christians, which is also at a high rate and have concluded that people like me who are terrified of rejection by their church community end up hiding this so as to continue to belong, sad.
The church sometimes appears to be a place where one is welcome only if they don't sin and yet there so much teaching on forgiveness and love and God's mercy and grace. You might ask why I think I will be rejected. Well I have seen people who have done a lot less being rejected. It has made me think about life, beliefs etc. I find it wrong that by doing this (abortion) I am accepted, but by doing the right thing (keeping)I am rejected. I'm still thinking about this and realise I am running out of time.

Editor's Comment

What a terrible dilemma. I am sure the church would be horrified if they realised you felt pushed towards abortion because of fear of their judgement and rejection. It should be the one place you could run to for safety and acceptance. I think that if abortion goes against your core values and beliefs, you would really struggle if you decide to have an abortion. Hiding a secret like this from others is one thing, but ultimately it is you yourself you are betraying if you are having an abortion because of fear of rejection from others.
It is also harder to have an abortion at this stage of pregnancy and a slightly greater risk to your health than an early abortion.
I don't believe that every Christian church would respond as you are fearing, and if your church did find out and reject you maybe it is not the right place for you.
Please make contact with the national helpline or Online advisor so that we can help you and support you as you think through your decision. find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.

This story was sent in on 15/06/2013

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