I have just found out that I am pregnant. It was not planned and has given myself and my partner a huge surprise. We already have a six year old boy and a sixteen month old girl.
By anonymous on 12/02/2008I have just found out that I am pregnant. It was not planned and has given myself and my partner a huge surprise. We already have a six year old boy and a sixteen month old girl. My partner is pressuring me to have an abortion, but it really isn't what I want. He won't even try to see it from my point of view. I feel that if I don't go ahead with it, he will leave me. However, I can't help thinking that I am going to resent him if he makes me go through with it and that could be more damaging to our relationship. He works away so we still haven’t had the chance to discuss it face to face. I don't even know how far gone I am but I can't bear the thought of killing this precious little thing inside of me. I know I will hate myself afterwards. I just don't understand how he can't see it from my point of view.
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…You are very clear about how a termination will affect you. And you are very clear about what you think about the pregnancy. You are also very clear that having a termination could affect your relationship negatively anyway, even if you have a termination to avoid this conflict with your partner. Your heart and your head are actually aligned with each other.
The problem is that you are running the risk of becoming entrenched in opposing positions with the ‘problem’ between you. It is worth appealing to his sense of the value of the relationship by offering a time to talk with an advisor at a centre so that you can both stand together, with the ‘problem’ ‘over there’, and both be heard.
Your partner has a positive intention in wanting an abortion. In other words, he is trying to achieve something positive for you both, but he does not yet have enough information about the potential emotional effects on you. Talking with an advisor could assist with that. If he does not move towards you on this matter, then you will need courage to decide whether to do what your head and your heart are clearly telling you to do. Visit a centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor for more support.