Last year, when I was 14 weeks pregnant, I went through a surgical abortion.
After the doctor referred me, it took two weeks for me to see somebody at the abortion clinic where they took scans of the baby. Then a week later, I went into hospital for the abortion. The nurse gave me some tablets to swallow. That was when the pain kicked in and it felt like what I imagine contractions are like. As I didn’t react well to the tablets, I was taken straight down to theatre where the abortion was to be performed. I was alone as my partner wasn't allowed with me which made things ten times harder than they already were.
I was given a general anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I woke up covered in blood from where I was having a "period." I was finally reunited with my partner after the nurses had taken my blood pressure and made sure that I was ok. Then I was allowed to go home. I had to be carried to the car as I was still in so much pain and couldn't walk. It took me about two weeks to physically recover but I have been signed off work by the doctor for eight weeks now with depression stemming from the abortion.
A year later, I am now six weeks pregnant after using contraception (the pill) and in a predicament with what to do....
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…As with many women in your situation, you are torn between what your head is saying and what your heart is saying.
It sounds as if you responded to your circumstances last time by choosing an abortion, but didn’t really take into consideration what was going on in your heart, hence your depression. Depression can be a way of dulling painful feelings, wrapping a grey blanket around ourselves to avoid the full impact of pain within us.
You don’t say why this is a predicament for you this time around – maybe it’s because of your circumstances again. If it is, it’s worth remembering that circumstances can always change, but it’s very hard to change the pain in your heart once it’s lodged there. Having suffered depression before, you would be at risk of it again if you proceed with another termination.
It’s very important that you talk through your options with an advisor who understands your situation and the mixed feelings you are experiencing, so that you can make an informed decision and one that you can live with. Visit your nearest centre, call the helpline or use Online Advisor. We’ll be thinking of you.