I have found out that I am 11 weeks pregnant and my partner is no longer in love with me.

By anonymous on 09/04/2008
I have found out that I am 11 weeks pregnant and my partner is no longer in love with me. He has moved out. We already have a four year old and I have also had three miscarriages which is what makes the decision to have an abortion so hard. The other babies I lost were wanted although the first loss was very bad timing. The other two were planned but I said that after those I would not try again. I came off my pill for health reasons and then fell for this one. I have had a scan and seen the heart beat which makes it hard too. I had post natal depression with my daughter and I don’t think I could cope on my own with another child. I just don’t know what to do.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It seems you are really in this place of an agonising decision because you no longer have the support of your partner, not because you don’t want this pregnancy.

You say twice that a decision for abortion would be hard, firstly because you have had three miscarriages and secondly, because you have seen the baby’s heart beat. It’s clear what your heart’s message is. Circumstances can always change, but it’s very hard to change the heart’s pain following an abortion. An abortion may also be hard because you have previously suffered depression, even though it was post-natal depression.

I notice how you write ‘my partner is no longer in love with me’. For some, this may mean that the feelings for the other person have worn off – the nice, positive, warm feelings that we get from being in a relationship. Perhaps these feelings should not decide how long a relationship lasts. Perhaps the decision to commit as a partner and as a father should determine the course of a relationship instead. It’s a challenge.

But right now, you need support to face this pregnancy with courage, develop your support network and find ways of coping well. You need not be alone. A trained advisor from your nearest centre can talk this through with you and support you for as long as necessary. Contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor. We'll be thinking of you.

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