I am 24 in my first year at uni. I have one child already and I’ve never been with his father.

By anonymous on 15/03/2008
I am 24 in my first year at uni. I have one child already and I’ve never been with his father. I broke up with my long term boyfriend in December and started sleeping with one of my ex's to pass the time till I met someone new. I found out I was pregnant Friday 18th Feb. The ex I had been sleeping with and I were going to Amsterdam for a dirty weekend on the Saturday. I told him while we were away because he wanted to know why I didn't want to smoke or drink. He is kind of in a relationship so he is totally against me keeping it. Because it means everyone will find out he's been cheating.

I suffer from PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and have been trying for over five years to get pregnant so I really don't know what to do. I want the baby but I don't want the situation so I’m lost. I always wanted another baby and my son's five which is the age I always wanted my second child, but it was hard raising my son alone and I promised myself I would never be a single mother again.

My family was mad the first time I got pregnant but because I was only 18 they supported me. They understood I was young and had made a mistake but at nearly 25, because they have helped me so much, they will go mad and I know the support I had with my first son will not be offered by them this time around. If I decide to have this baby it means being a single mother and I worry about how I’m going to cope emotionally and with money.

At the same time I’ve never agreed with abortion but feel like I’ve got no other choice. I've been trying to figure out what to do for over a month but can't decide. I went to a BPAS centre today for my first appointment. When I got there, they told me I’m eight weeks and one day. They said because of my weight they can't do a surgical termination and that I will have to take tablets, which is the one way I didn't want to do it. They said they can refer me back to my GP so she can refer me to a hospital instead. They did a scan and the doctor gave me the scan picture to take home. Since I left the centre, I’m even more confused and don't know what to do. I need help please!!!!!!!!!!

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…On the one hand, you are in a casual uncommitted relationship and the father is putting pressure on you to terminate in order to protect his reputation. Your financial circumstances make it difficult for you too. You imagine that your family will not support you and this makes you wonder if you’ll cope. On the other hand, you have wanted another child; you have a condition which means you may be suffering from relative infertility; you had always imagined having a child at this stage; and you don’t agree with abortion.

Your head is saying one thing (‘Look at my circumstances – I can’t have this baby’) and your heart is saying something else (‘I want this baby – I don’t want an abortion’). Circumstances can always change. The father may leave you to it, but your family may support you more than you think. Money problems might be resolved in a way you haven’t thought of yet. Circumstances always change one way or another, but it’s difficult to change your heart when it’s in pain. You may or may not be able to have another child; you may even want another one immediately as a result of the termination as this is how some women are affected. If you don’t agree with abortion, going against your beliefs can create problems later on. It may be better to have courage and suffer as a result of doing what your heart says is right, than suffering because you’ve gone against it.

Take time to talk it through with an experienced advisor at your nearest centre, on the helpline or use Online Advisor. There is a way through and there is hope for you.

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