Can I do this on my own? I'm 42 and six weeks pregnant. The father just checked into a 30-day residential treatment center for drug and alcohol addiction.By anonymous on 04/09/2015
I'm 42 and six weeks pregnant. The father just checked into a 30-day residential treatment center for drug and alcohol addiction. This is his fourth rehab. I hope this is a real turning point for him but I'm not counting on it.
We have a five-year-old son, the light of my life. Thinking back to the baby years, they were quite challenging - especially living with an alcoholic/addict. Despite his good, loving qualities, he has been incredibly unreliable.
I currently do not want him back in the house after he finishes rehab. So, I am asking myself, "can I do this on my own?". I don't think anyone can which means who can I rely on to be in a network of caretakers? How much can I afford to pay people to be a part of this network? Is having another child worth my retirement savings (yet to be started - maybe never will get started).
Yet, if I don't have this baby, there will be no others. I am 42 and will be 60 at their high school graduation.
Also, having the baby means another huge tie to the father. I will need to define and keep very good boundaries this time around. He wants the child, I've just been through this before and know I can't count on him financially and emotionally.
I have been considering abortion but my heart leans more towards keeping the baby. It will be quite challenging. I'm not looking forward to telling family and friends. I think they will feel sorry for me and think I'm nuts before sharing the excitement.
I also do not want to burden anyone. I have a good job, decent pay. Enough - though not quite enough for two in childcare. If I have this baby, do I sacrifice what I could offer to just my five yr old? Yes. Though, I would also be giving him a sibling which could prove to be a priceless gift in his adult years - or, they may never get along. It's a real crapshoot.
My house is a duplex and I'm considering offering deeply reduced rent on a two bedroom apt in exchange for nanny services for two while I am at work. With the right person or couple, it feels like this could be a very positive, workable solution. I would need to go back to work after three months - which hopefully I could manage without falling asleep at my desk.
These are my thoughts tonight. If I do this, I have just several months to kick up my exercise program. I need to get as physically fit as possible.