How do I go through the same pain again?

I separated from my fiancé for month because our relationship was getting to a toxic point. After a few months of talking to this new guy, we decided to date and it became serious more than I thought it would.

I knew I wanted a child because I had been through a surgical removal of cancerous cells, had an abortion 5 years earlier so I was sure that I wanted a baby, that I'm ready for it. Finally, I tested and voila, I was pregnant.

The issue started when my fiancé and I got back together again and the new guy showed his true colours. Not only was he psychotic and obsessive but I just learned that he's up to his ears in debt and therefore broke. I don't want my baby to go through poverty because I cannot financially afford to take care of the baby alone.

I then decided to tell my ex-fiancé, and we concluded between ourselves that I should get an abortion, him and I get married and try for another baby.

The issue with this is that I feel like I'm being a bad mother, what kind of mother chooses a man over her own child, I went through the 1st abortion and even now it's difficult to talk about it, how do I go through the same pain again, I don't want to raise this baby alone and I still love my fiancé. What do I do?

This story was sent in on 02/02/2018

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