How do I go through the same pain again?

I separated from my fiancé for month because our relationship was getting to a toxic point. After a few months of talking to this new guy, we decided to date and it became serious more than I thought it would.

I knew I wanted a child because I had been through a surgical removal of cancerous cells, had an abortion 5 years earlier so I was sure that I wanted a baby, that I'm ready for it. Finally, I tested and voila, I was pregnant.

The issue started when my fiancé and I got back together again and the new guy showed his true colours. Not only was he psychotic and obsessive but I just learned that he's up to his ears in debt and therefore broke. I don't want my baby to go through poverty because I cannot financially afford to take care of the baby alone.

I then decided to tell my ex-fiancé, and we concluded between ourselves that I should get an abortion, him and I get married and try for another baby.

The issue with this is that I feel like I'm being a bad mother, what kind of mother chooses a man over her own child, I went through the 1st abortion and even now it's difficult to talk about it, how do I go through the same pain again, I don't want to raise this baby alone and I still love my fiancé. What do I do?

This story was sent in on 02/02/2018

Previous/next story

I really want this baby but I'm scared the father will resent me

The father is jobless with 3 other kids and says abortion is best…


Previous story
I'm 42, 6 weeks pregnant, and the father is in residential rehab

Can I do this on my own?…


Next story

More stories about crisis pregnancy...

Free help & support

If you're struggling through a situation similar to this Crisis Pregnancy story, or have been affected by issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

Get free, sensitive & confidential help - find your nearest centre:

Tell your story

Telling your story to others can be difficult but rewarding and you may just help somebody going through the same thing:

Tell your story →

Story Categories

Click the following links to see stories in these categories: