I’m writing this because I am facing the same dilemma I faced six years ago.

By anonymous on 24/11/2008
I’m writing this because I am facing the same dilemma I faced six years ago. I’ve since had a happy healthy boy who I love unconditionally and is very much ‘my life’. But to my horror a few weeks ago, just one fatal night of lust, I am now around 5-6 weeks pregnant. The condom split, I went to the doctor’s for the ‘morning after’ pill and thought that everything would be ok.

Now I’m faced with the dilemma of knowing what to do for the best. There are lots of pros and cons because I want to get on with my life with my son and try and give him the best I can. We have been on nice holidays etc and if there was another in these circumstances I wouldn’t be able to afford things, not that I’m materially minded. I just wish that I could give my best to both. I know my son would love a sibling and I don’t want to leave him on his own when I’m dead and gone. I have experienced a lot of loss in my life as I lost two family members at quite an early age, a brother and a father. I really don’t know if this is someone telling me I’m destined to bring kids up by myself and maybe in later life I will be happy with someone who will look after me.

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in about your situation…It sounds as if one part of you is weighing up the practical and material losses involved in pursuing this pregnancy because you have a positive intention to provide the best life you possibly can for your son. Another part of you is weighing up deeper issues to do with things like how much family your son has in the future (coloured by your sense of your own loss of family) and the costs that would be involved for you if you committed yourself to the well-being of both your children. Do you notice how this part of you is also committed to providing the best life you possibly can as much as the other part, but about different aspects of life? Your head may be seeing all the practical logic, but it seems your heart is attending to deeper, bigger issues. It’s not an easy decision and there’s no pain-free solution for you – whatever you choose there will be losses, but which losses matter the most? Which gains matter the most? It would really help you to talk it through with someone who understands the pressure you are under – please ring the helpline, use Online Advisor or visit your nearest centre to find the support you need right now. We’ll be thinking of you.

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