I am 7 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and have a surgical abortion booked for Thursday.

I am 40 next year, have 3 children, aged 14, 11 and 3. My partner has an 8 year old. We do not live together, but see each other every weekend. We live 50 miles apart. He will not consider moving here as he wants to stay close to his son, and I think it will be difficult to upheave 3 children with 2 in secondary school. I am 7 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and have a surgical abortion booked for Thursday. I have not told my partner or anyone else. I had an abortion 2 years ago with another partner, who was a drinker and not good father material. The relationship was fairly new, so none of it added up well. I had no problems with the termination and did not have any feelings of regret afterwards. I am unsure of my partner's feelings on abortion. We have been together 18 months and were not planning to have children. My partner's ex had an abortion many years ago, and he was deeply upset about it (this was before he had children though). I told him about my first abortion and, from what I remember (was drunk at the time), he was ok about it. I am scared to tell him. I was careless with contraception, and it is my own fault I am in this position. Guess I thought time was running out for me and I would be ok! My partner is brilliant with my 3 year old, like a Dad to him (more so than his biological Dad who he doesn't see). He is also good with the 11 year old, and they get on quite well. The 14 year old is another story though. He has no respect for my partner, and has even kicked him in the testicles before and punched him in the face when my partner has tried to help me when he has been kicking off. I live in a 3 bedroom house. Could do with more space. There seem to be a number of things against me, and I can't decide what to do. Feel I should tell my partner - that he has a right to know - but am scared of the outcome. Am scared of having another abortion after reading other people's stories. Worried that I have told no one, and will have no one to meet me afterwards. The clinic said I would have to stay in overnight if I have no one to take care of me - that is just impossible with 3 children! I am too ashamed to tell anyone that I got myself into this stupid situation. I am worried about taking time off work too. I am scared of being a 40 year old Mum - will I have the energy for it. I am a very active healthy person, but it is the mental strain of having 4 children plus 1 "step" child, the difficulties of teenage years, sleepless nights, etc, etc, that scares me. This is a horrible situation to be in , not knowing what to do, not knowing what the future holds. Whatever I decide, I think I will be thinking about sterilisation after this! Editor's Comment:- You are in quite a pressurised situation with lots of issues going on for you. It must be hard dealing with a teenager and then considering having a baby that will also be demanding. Not living in the same place as your partner does reduce the amount of support he is able to give you. I do think it is a decision you should talk about together and work out how you both feel about it.This pregnancy is obviously conceived in a loving caring relationship so it is hard to choose to end something that is a part of you both. You obviously have some doubts about going ahead with the abortion appointment, and I think it's important to be sure about such a big decision.

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