A young woman who changed her mind about adoption
I was a fab mum despite being just 18 when he was born.
My mother was angry from the start and made me feel dirty and wrong. And It made me start to doubt myself I was on my own and she said I would be ruining life for my little boy.
I couldn't have an abortion I hated the thought.So by 20wks I agreed with her adoption would be for the best.
I didn't buy a thing I made all the arrangements for what was to happen after the birth etc. My mum said I was not to see him and me feeling like I had upset everyone's life I agreed.
The time came 4 days overdue and I got to the hospital I was intent on a natural birth and managed it perfectly all by myself in 2 hours and as I heard a cry my mum pulled my face away and said to the nurses 'take it away'. She said to me think of the beautiful boy you have at home. She then left and I fell asleep I went home the next day and felt fine. I went back to looking after my son straight away. The midwife visited me and asked how I was I replied 'fine I don't even feel like I had a baby'! She said 'tell me that in a few days when your milk has come in'.
And she was so right 2 days later I woke and my body ached for a baby that wasn't there.I phoned the midwife and the social worker and told them I wanted my baby. The social worker said she would bring me to visit the baby as he was still in hospital because of kidney problems. I told my dad (who was divorced from my mum when I was 3, but was the most supportive man ever, he has died since)and he came with me to watch my son as I didn't tell my mum.
As soon as I saw him I was smitten he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen he had the most shocking head full of black hair right down his back and down to his eyes. I'm yet to see a baby with such an amount of hair. I held him and the love I felt was like nothing ever, I adored my first child obviously but this was the most amazing rush of love.
I told the social worker he is coming home and she said that was fine as it was my decision and she could see I was a good parent. She said she would bring him home in 2 days to give me enough time to get baby things and explain to my mum as I was living in her house. She went crazy but eventually agreed as she didn't want me taking my oldest child to live in a hostel (I had a flat which wasn't quite ready). My dad took me shopping and bought me everything and spent a lot of money on the most beautiful navy cord pram, and then he was home.
I just wanted to hold him and love him and show him off.He was an angel and looked like a doll he was so beautiful. He is now 4 and my shadow I love him so much and could never imagine life without him. My mum took a while but when she saw the lovely child he was becoming she was won over. In a way I am glad I went through this journey as it made me realise the love I feel for him and how grateful for everyday I have him.
This story was sent in on 15/08/2011