I found out I was pregnant 6 days ago.

I found out I was pregnant 6 days ago.
I was using the pill but it failed. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half, we have an 8 month old son right now.
I live with my parents, and our child. He lives with his kids from a previous marriage (ages 16,14, and 4) and his cancer stricken mother. He has full custody of those children because his ex wife is a drugged out and abusive woman.

When I got pregnant the first time we were only just starting out together. It changed our relationship a lot but he has been loving to both of us.
However he has not been financially supportive of our son in the least. He was laid off during my pregnancy and now works a kid job in the grocery store until he can find a position.
I love him, and I know that he loves me. But he has told me to abort this pregnancy. He said that I have to do it. We haven't spoken for 3 days because I told him I cannot live with it. I have researched many hours and dug into my soul for an answer. The truth is, no matter how pro choice I am, I cannot have an abortion.
I know he will leave me, he has made that clear. I know that I am struggling already, but that I can do this. I also know how judged I will be, and how mad my father will be, and how different my life will be. I can no longer continue school at this time. Even with all that, in my heart, I cannot have an abortion, or even adopt it out. I do not know how far along I am yet, but I know that I will do this with or without permission from the father.
I won't choose someone so selfish as to not consider my feelings and someone so financially corrupted over the baby. To me it is not an option.

I was pregnant once before my son with my ex, I had a miscarriage after a fight where he abused me. So when I got pregnant again, it was never considered as anything but my future. I was so devastated to lose the first baby, but know it happened for a reason, so I could meet my boyfriend and we could have a child. I can't say I have no misgivings, or even that I love this foetus. But I am choosing based on what I know, and I know I can do this and I will love this child. It will just have to be my secret for a little while. Thanks for reading.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though you have really looked into your heart and have a certainty that abortion is not an option for you personally, however difficult your situation is with your boyfriend, or your parents. I think it is important to explore your own values and beliefs because if you go against these it can be very painful emotionally, and psychologically. It may be difficult at first to break the news to your parents, and cope with their anger and disappointment. If you need any support, or someone to talk to please call the helpline 0300 4000 999, or for unplanned pregnancy support.

This story was sent in on 28/12/2014

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