He wanted me to terminate and move on cos he is too young to have a baby

By anonymous on 06/03/2015
I was with this boyfriend for 8 months and he was a student and myself a registered nurse. I was 26 he said his 24 but later discover he was 21... I did not mind if I would get pregnant and I did ... When I found out and tell him he took it really bad, he wanted me to terminate and move on cos he is to young to have a baby, which I can understand and I appreciate that he need to graduate but I said to him I can support myself until he is ready. He didn't want to hear or accept any of this he said it's all over and to forget about him. I didn't consider abortion at all as I was so happily panicking about the pregnancy but I felt joy and something that I can make it happen. Blessed. When I was 17 with my first boyfriend and still virgin I got pregnant by trying to have sexual intercourse and my parents have not accepted that and I had to terminate as I was planning for university. My country has tradition and that was going against. But ever since then I have lived with pain and regrets thinking of what I've done and it will never go away. I'm a caring person and babies I care a lot. And I've accepted to listen to my parents and live with the regret. I cried for long time in school and everywhere.
Now I'm pregnant and my boyfriend doesn't want any to do with me or us. I let him go. 6 months in my pregnancy when my son started to move I went into labour. Just like that with no previous sickness or any. I was just happy and positive all the way. I gave birth to him at 24 weeks, weighing only 1 pound (624gr). Was a big shock was the roller coaster of my life. My son was in NICU for 4 months and every day he his stronger and stronger. I held his hand for hours I've done kangoo therapy for 6 hours every day. I wouldn't give up on him just hold him and talk to him about getting well and strong till I got sore bum on that chair. I would care if I need to eat or drink I just stayed there with him tucked in my chest and let him feel my love. I ask God to forgive what I have done before and let me have my son with me ... And it did happen ... We left hospital healthy and strong.
I contact his dad when I was feeling weak but he never wanted to hear from me. I'm a strong, independent woman and I said I won't contact him but in that situation I hoped he can give love to our son but he never wanted to. After 1 year I met him by mistake in town and he decided to come and see his son then of he went never to come back. I've asked him to at least choose to see our son regularly that's all no other obligation... He just refuses... I told him regrets are the worse to bear and he won't be able to turn the time back so he said he doesn't want to be part of any. I never believe that same men can be like that ... Our son is beautiful.
Today my son is 2 and a half and we really happy... He s dad reassure me he will never regret and he will never come around. So starting a month ago I really don't believe I should ever mention who his dad was.
It's painful cos I love my son so much and I can't offer him a family. Will he blame me for that later like his dad does? His dad said that I choose this destiny that I was selfish.
It's not good to have abortion you risk to have problems later on. If he would have convince me ... I woulda probably never be able to have a normal pregnancy.
I'm getting so used with my son and me and I believe is the best anyway not have him around I just wonder how he can live like that? Ignoring his son existence. Some men can do that. Ladies it's in our hands to decide over our bodies and lives do it yourself if you have to, and DO IT WELL.

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