Hi I'm 23, single and I have just recently found out I am pregnant by someone I was seeing, who I am no longer with.

By anonymous on 12/04/2009
Hi I'm 23, single and I have just recently found out I am pregnant by someone I was seeing, who I am no longer with. I was shocked and scared, but I had no doubt in my mind about keeping the baby, so I got it in my head that I would go it alone and be a single mum...I told the baby’s dad and as expected, he wasn't happy, so I decided to continue as I’d planned, to go it alone, and I was really not bothered about this as I knew I could do it. I thought this could be my only chance.

Last week (a week after I found out I was pregnant) I started bleeding, so I panicked and went straight to A&E and they kept me in hospital to check me over and to see if I was going through an ectopic pregnancy or possible miscarriage. Well, I was a complete mess and was heartbroken at the thought of losing my baby and it being all over. Anyway, after a long week’s wait I finally had my scan two days ago and found out my baby was ok. I even saw the heartbeat. I was so relieved at first, but now I just feel really unhappy and unsure of whether I am doing the right thing, and I have doubts.

Yesterday my best friend went for her 12 week scan and they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat...it had died at 9 weeks. My friend had planned her baby and is in a lovely stable relationship with her boyfriend and they were so happy and excited about the baby. At the moment, I just feel sick to the stomach and I can barely look at anything baby!!

I know there are a number of reasons why I feel like this…the guilt of my friend losing her baby while I carry on with my unplanned pregnancy. The fact I have started with morning sickness all the time and the fact the baby’s dad has still not been in touch...even when he knows I've had a scare. But I also feel selfish for feeling like this, as I thought I'd lost my baby this time last week and I was devastated, and I should consider myself lucky after seeing what my friend has just gone through. I just don't know how to shake these doubts off. I wouldn't even consider getting an abortion. I just feel I need some help and support to put me back in the right frame of mind and to start feeling positive again. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…Part of what we do is to support women in your situation. It would help you to have someone come alongside and support you through all the ups and downs of sticking to a decision you know to be right. At the risk of sounding a little harsh, your friend’s situation is not yours, despite all the pain you feel for her at this time. She has to adjust and come to terms with what has happened to her, but that is no reason for you to feel responsible for her situation or to feel guilty about your own. You need to focus on the fact that you have made the right decision for yourself – the one that you can live with.

Please get in touch with your nearest centre and request a befriender to support you through your pregnancy. Having support in this way will enable you to see your pregnancy through and lift from you these negative doubts and discouragements. You have made a brave and positive decision – and your heart knows that deep down. We'd be privileged to help you at this time.

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