All could think was, what have I done? What have I done to the girl I love, and the baby I could've had?
My girlfriend and I found out she was pregnant on January 4th. We both had no idea what to do. Before telling my parents we went over the options with a counsellor at school. At first abortion was just not an option. I really thought that if we worked really hard that we could have this child. Finally the day came and we told my parents. We all sat down, and we told them. My parents had me when they were younger so I figured they would understand if anyone would. I was completely wrong. When my girlfriend was around they were sweet and understanding. As soon as she left, they pushed so hard for me to tell her to have an abortion which was something I just didn't want to do. I had no idea what to do. My parents told me that I would lose my future, and that we would break up because of it. I didn't want to lose the person I loved. Suddenly because of my parents, abortion seemed like the only option. Finally - the worst decision either of us had ever made - abortion was the route we were taking.
I remember I had to get up at 5:30 that morning to go with her to the clinic. I watched her fill out all the paper work; I read and remember every line. When she handed it to the woman at the desk I knew that was it. Then they finally called her name, and then she was gone. Her mom came out and said she wouldn't be out for three hours. So we went and got breakfast. I couldn't eat. Her parents kept asking me about the new house I just moved into, like they had no idea what was happening at the clinic down the street. We finally went back, and just waited to hear something. She finally came out. She was crying more than I had ever seen before. We went back to her house but she fell fast asleep. Her parents had to go out, so they asked me to keep an eye on her while they were gone.
All could think was, what have I done? What have I done to the girl I love, and the baby I could've had? The reason I wrote so much about what happened at the clinic is because, that’s the reality. If anyone reading this is considering abortion, go to a clinic and just sit, and watch the people waiting for a loved one. No one says a word, the silence is scary. I will always regret this one thing.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…I can sense how much you genuinely care for your girlfriend and how you have stood with her as much as possible - that’s very commendable. You are also very sensitive to what has happened and quite clearly feel the pain of it. In fact, you sound shocked at how you let the abortion happen as a result of your parents’ pressure and fear. Your memory of the day is so vivid because you have been shocked by this event and what it did to your girlfriend. You give very good advice about visiting a clinic beforehand.
This will prove to be a defining moment for you, I feel. As a young man, you were for keeping yourself, your girlfriend and your baby together, to protect them and provide for them as best as you could. That is a very good aspect of who you are; don’t lose that on account of the negative outcome.
The important thing for you now is that both you and your girlfriend receive support, so that you can both come to a place of relating to this experience healthily. Problems associated with abortion are often guilt, shame, anger and grief. It’s vital that you address these emotions, as well as issues of accountability and forgiveness, so that you can grow through this experience and not be impoverished by it. Your hearts have been hurt by this experience but they can be healed. As I suspect you are in the States, please ring 800-395-HELP for the support you both need. We’ll be thinking of you both. Thank you for writing in.
This story was sent in on 03/07/2008
In 1981 my parents told me that my older sister had undergone an abortion...