My partner told me that she had had a termination, five days after!
By anonymous on 17/02/2009My partner told me that she had had a termination, five days after! I didn't know what to do or say, nor could I understand why she hadn't told me she was pregnant before or indeed why she was telling me after. My world instantly fell apart. It was as if a huge firework had gone off inside my head; questions were flashing around, more questions than you can imagine. I felt sick and I was hurting . . . . mainly because I hadn't been there for her. (I hadn't been allowed to be there for her!). If I had known then I most certainly would have been there.
The pregnancy hadn't been planned and I’m not saying the outcome would have been any different. I had never previously thought about terminations, so I am neither for nor against, but I would have wanted to have been involved in the decision. This exclusion hurt and still hurts me. It’s raw and hasn't changed two weeks on. I haven't spoken to friends because I don't want anyone to judge her. I do love her. I’m very much in love with her. I care for her and want to support her, but right now she has pushed me away. She is cold and refuses to talk. If I said I was walking on egg shells, this would be an understatement.
I didn't think there would be support available for me, (a man!) but this site is marvellous. I received support on the telephone and was referred to my local centre. I have just returned from a counselling session, (Sheffield Pregnancy Crisis Centre). It has been an absolute godsend to be able to talk to someone understanding, someone who listened intently and someone who gave me practical advice. If there are any men out there going through similar to me, please contact your local centre. You are not alone, and believe me, it is good to talk! Keep the Faith and God Bless.
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…It’s great to hear that you found so much help and support from the Sheffield Centre. Our service is to support men as well, as we realise that there are many different male responses to unplanned pregnancy and abortion. May I suggest that you keep visiting the centre for support, not only to work through your own emotional response to what has happened but also for assistance in understanding your partner’s response? Her pushing you away may be for a variety of reasons, but an abortion can cause a great deal of relational tension and confusion that’s hard to overcome. It will help her if you understand what she might be going through emotionally – it may not be what she expected to feel.