A story of miscarriageBy anonymous on 25/07/2011
In the summer of 2008 I had a great opportunity to study German intensively in Berlin, Germany for a month through my university. I had been studying German as my major at the time so I asked my parents for help with money, got a grant for good grades and went.
I was living with a host family who had an 18 year old son. I was 20 at the time. The first weekend, we went out for drinks and ended up in bed together. This started a 3 week long fling. We used protection and I was on the pill, but the last night I was there we didn't use a condom and I was on antibiotics, which I did not know had an effect on the pill.
I returned to the states and missed my next two periods, which was not abnormal for me as I was on seasonique, which only has placebo pills four weeks of the year. When my placebo pills came around in september, I didn't get a period at all, so I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive.
I was freaked and excited all at the same time. I was only 20 and still in school so I wasn't ready for a child, but I had longed to be a mother my whole life and after about a week of thinking, I realized I wanted this baby.
I went to planned parenthood near my university and they said I was already 11 weeks along. The baby looked fine and they gave me some papers to read about healthy eating and such. I called the baby's father that afternoon on skype and he flipped out, calling me a liar and saying I wanted to ruin his life.
He said I purposely got pregnant to make him stay with me.I told him it was always just a fling and he was too young for me anyways, but now we have to at least be civil because we were going to be in each other's lives for a long time. He didn't speak to me for 4 days, and when he finally called me again, he apologized and asked me if I wanted to come and live in Germany with his family so we could raise the baby together. I agreed and that was our plan.
The next week I was supposed to go to my parents for break, and I would tell them then about the baby and the plan for me to go to Germany.
When I got to my parent's house, I chickened out and told them I wanted to go to Germany to study, but not about the baby. I felt like they would never let me go, so I figured I would get the plans set to go to Germany and then tell them about the baby afterwards, so they were less likely to say no. We booked tickets, I got into an exchange program, and 5 days later I was back at school. 2 weeks passed and I was more and more excited about the baby. The baby's father and I talked about names, Hannah for a girl and Paul for a boy, and we made plans for the future. On the 17th of October, things changed.
I woke up in the night and realized I was bleeding a bit.I called the emergency number at planned parenthood and they said if it was just a bit to come by in the morning.
Two hours later I passed my baby. I cried more than any other time in my life. I went the following morning to planned parenthood and they confirmed that I had miscarried. I had to empty my savings to pay to have a d and c because I didn't want my parents to know.
When I told the father, he blamed me for killing our baby and ruining our future. He refused to talk to me for 2 months.
I kept my plans to go to Germany as I already filled out the paperwork to drop out of school in the US and I couldn't go back anymore. I never told my parents anything about the pregnancy. To this day, they still think I moved because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.
I am still living in Germany, but I have no contact with the baby's father. It turns out, he had a girlfriend the whole time that I never knew about until I moved here.
As much as I am sad and hurt that I lost my baby, I thank my baby every day for bringing me to Germany. In the short time that I thought I would be a mom, my life changed. I love living in Germany and it is the happy ending to this sad story.