A traumatic miscarriage

I was a student and working in a bar during the night. I went to pull an ale and the force I put down on the ale pump must have been what done it. I felt a rush of 'water' down there, and immediately stopped what I was doing, didn't say a word to the customer, and told my friend that she had to carry on. I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I knew it was a miscarriage before I even saw the blood. I remember sitting on the floor crying.
I didn't really want the baby, and I was going to abort because I hadn't had consensual sex with the 'father' but still, this was an emotional time for me. I continued to work through the night and I told my friend what had happened, and explained to the manager that I needed to make some urgent phone calls. I phoned the out of hours service, and they got back to me an hour later telling me that it could be anything and I should go to A&E.
So after my shift in the early hours and in a bit of pain I walked to A&E. When I got there I was 'told off' for coming to the A&E at this particular hospital because they didn't have an antenatal unit or facilities for what I needed.

I was left with sever cramping for hours upon hours

They came back with the results of my urine test showing that I was still 'positive' for pregnancy, and then shipped me off to another hospital further away.
This hospital was just a ward, it seemed like no one knew why I was there as again I was left in even worse pain for even more hours. I remember trying not to cry and to sit up straight on the couch but I couldn't and ended up laying down and crying in a waiting room full of people. One kind lady gave me a tissue and eventually a nurse came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told her "I'm having a miscarriage" and with that she asked me why I hadn't said anything? Well I thought that during my hospital transfer they would have been told, but evidently they weren't. I was then moved to a bed and refused pain killers by the staff because I had been given paracetamol by the ambulance driver. Obviously standard pain killers aren't going to alleviate any pain when it comes to miscarriage, so there I waited to be seen by the consultant, and I had to walk to his office down the hall way - he didn't even come to me. After all of this I just wanted to go home, so before I saw the consultant I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and I had never seen so much blood. I took a deep breath and walked into the consultant's room and lied to him. I told him I was fine, I had no pain and how I thought everything was fine now.
He agreed, and said that if I was in no pain then there was no chance of a miscarriage. I had a vaginal exam from a nurse (and why she didn't pick up on the amount of blood and all the clots I have no idea!) but I was sent home. After an hour of being sent home I needed to go to the bathroom, and I felt the need to push. After spending so long in pain I then realised that what I was experiencing was probably contractions. After twenty minutes, I had the foetus in the sack in my hand which was covered with tissue.

I remember not knowing what to do

I felt really guilty about what I did next for a long time, but I have since read that it is normal for a woman who went through what I went through to do this - I dropped the placenta and the foetus inside it into the loo and I flushed it.
Afterwards I got into the shower and just sat down and cried.
I had to go to the hospital the next day where I had a scan and the doctor confirmed that I had miscarried. Then I HAD to go to the counselling room, where a nurse basically told me "I know you wanted to abort the baby, maybe this was just God's way of sorting that out for you." I nodded at that rather stupid remark, thinking how this woman obviously had never been through a miscarriage let alone a miscarriage with such a sever lack of care from Doctors and nurses. I left the hospital, got a bus home and that was that.
I never spoke of it again and I never had any follow up appointments. It was, without a doubt the worst thing that has happened to me, at the time it was terrible and now looking back....its even worse.

Editor's Comment

This sounds like a really bad experience for you, and the health professionals let you down is their assessment, care and support of you.
I really don't think that pulling a pint would have caused the miscarriage. It is more likely that the start of it just coincided with that event.
Remembering what happened to you has obviously triggered off some very bad memories, and if you would like to talk this through and have some support please contact us. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for miscarriage support in your area.

This story was sent in on 28/08/2012

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