A miscarriage at 8 weeks

I'm new to this but I figure I needed to say my feelings out there, me and husband just got married in November 2013 went to our honeymoon for two weeks where we decided it's time our first try and I was surprised when my period did not arrive.
I bought 3 pregnancy tests and woke at super early, I was already 5 days late and sure that I was pregnant. When I was in the bathroom I can't explain the excitement I was feeling and trying not to scream of happiness to not wake up my hubby since his birthday was in two days and I wanted to surprise him.
That Day I got another hpt a digital one and it said pregnant 2 weeks I got a huge bday card and paste three of them to the card he was so happy we hugged and kissed in the kitchen and we were on cloud 9!!
We decided not to say a word to anyone but he kept his promise I didn't! I told my best friend and mother I was just so happy !!
First time and I thought it's a normal thing to feel the urge to say it. My mom was in tears it was going to be her 8th grandchild since I have 6 siblings. At my fourth week I decided let me go to the mall and bought several cute baby outfits of course yellow green and white. I even bought two cute maternity shirts I was in heaven! I went in for my 5-6 wk transvaginal and for some reason they said I miscalculated my lmp I knew I didn't since I always track it so they told me I was 5-6 weeks when I believed I was 8 weeks. Anyway when I saw the screen I knew something wasn't right I saw the baby sac but nothing in it the dr said don't worry you are pregnant just sometimes some babies take longer to grow. But I knew something wasn't right my husband and my mom just kept saying don't think negative think positive you will see.

As the days passed I had major pregnancy symptoms so I thought I'm good I went for my 6-7 week scan and this time the u/s tech didn't say a word even though I kept asking him?! All he said was "I'm not the doctor I'm just the tech" like really no help my mom kept rubbing my hand "everything will be fine you will see" my hubby couldn't be there that day because of work. They put me in a room and sat me down, and I waited for my dr those 30 min were hell as I waited all thoughts bad thoughts kept running on mind. My mom poor her she was nervous because she kept saying " please calm down you will see, the doctor is going to give you good news". The dr walks in and she goes "honey why are you crying I'm not here to give you bad news plz sit down and relax" I kept pacing around the small room but then I heard that I had some hope. She goes on " we found a yolk sac, a fetal pole and baby sac just too early for a heartbeat some women are different we will wait one more week" she was a very good sweet doctor and she calm me down. My mom and I walk out super happy and we hugged and my bad thoughts went out the window.

As the days pass for three days everything was fine until I started bleeding brown blood I just started crying I knew this is not normal. But my doctor told me these exact words on the phone " sometimes it's normal sometimes it's not we can't tell it's too early plz call me if it gets worse " well I was back to stress and worry my happiness went out the window this time. My mom and husband said don't worry as long as it not period like you will be fine. Well next day I didn't bleed nothing at all. I said ok maybe it's was old blood. Next day at work right when I came from lunch I felt a gush of liquid I quickly went to the restroom my heart started beating so fast and hands wouldn't stop shaking. I was bleeding red thank god I had pads in my purse since coworkers are always asking.

The next 3 hrs of work were horrible it was a Friday and everyone happy but not me I knew that I'm miscarrying!
When I got home I quickly took a shower and pray the blood would fade away but it didn't it wasn't heavy but it was there.
My hubby, I love him he was thinking so positive. Saturday rolled by next morning and I notice I stop bleeding and we had a friend baby shower which I really didn't want to go but they were are friends. So we went to 'baby r us' got a gift and boom felt again blood went to the bathroom and wipe. I cannot tell you I literally went to the bathroom six times in 3 hrs and passing then small blood clots I didn't say anything to him since I hate worrying him. As I saw my friend hugging everyone with her belly I felt guilty because I was jealous here she was welcoming her baby while I was losing mine. Even though I was happy for her I was devastated what was happening to me. My hubby kept holding my hand saying " baby Monday you will see a heartbeat" but I was mentally preparing myself already because I knew already this baby is not going to make it.
After we left I hugged my friend and told her how pretty she looked, glowing etc, she replied" you will be next"! If she only knew... We left and my bleeding was getting worse! I got home and my pad was completely soak I started crying got in the shower and that moment I started getting the worse pains I ever had! I was in a fetal position holding my belly crying?? my eyes out I could barely get up.
We rush to the ER it was the longest ride ever my hubby trying zig zagging the lanes! My pains which I now know were contractions were coming and going and each time worse! They rush me in and ask me so many questions meanwhile me answering crying my hubby was so sad. Finally they got me a bed I felt something fall in my panties went to the bathroom huge blood clot I was shock! Went back to my room and told the dr he said " god forbid you are miscarrying know that 50% of women miscarry you will try again and your chances are pretty high for a healthy full term" that went in one ear and came out from the other ear.

We waited for the u/s after two hours in the bed bleeding uncontrollably they took my vitals etc the tech had no emotion he moved it for so long I kept looking at my husband but he kept nodding I couldn't understand him the screen was turned completely towards the tech I couldn't see anything I kept asking him plz can you tell if I'm miscarrying he said, "I'm sorry the dr will speak to you but your symptoms are signs of miscarrying taking place". Then the doctor came in he did a pelvic exam and stick something that literally hurt so bad and out came clot one was so big close size of hand palm. Doctor says "I'm 99.9% you are miscarrying at 8 weeks ".
At that moment my heart felt like someone just rip it out of me and crushed it into little pieces.?? it was horrible. He push my lower abdominal and more clots not as big and said, "you will keep bleeding but very mild not as heavy since you have pretty much bled very heavy , drink only Tylenol for the pain and rest". After he was done and I got up he continued, "you are normal just sometimes the body of ours when it knows that something isn't right it flushes it out you don't have an infection it wasn't a ectopic pregnancy it's just one of those common unexplainable reason , you can again try when you are ready again, questions??" And with that he gave a Gatorade drink and sent me home.

For the first time in 11 yrs I never seen my husband cry and he did. He said, "babe I'm not crying for our loss since I know you were attached the moment you found out and it's different for us guys, I'm crying because of seeing you hurt. I wish I can make it go away but I can't, I promise next time we will have our baby I promise" we just hug tight. And here I sit just one day after, crying my eyes out trying to understand what went wrong. I don't wish this even on my worst enemy my life crumbled in a matter of seconds. I decided to give my baby clothes that I bought to my mom to hold it for me since I keep staring at it sometimes until next time hopefully it will be use. Tomorrow I'm planning to throw away my four pregnancy tests because it just makes me to sad. I never knew this baby but from the moment I saw the positive test I fell in love with he/she . I know one day god will bless me with a healthy baby but I wish I could've kept my first always it came from me I was the mommy?? but I need to accept it and move forward. Sorry long story but I wish all baby dust to every single woman out there that is trying and wishing for a baby.

Editor's Comment

A very sad story and how ever common you are told it is, it does not ease the pain of your loss. Even in a short space of time you have so many hopes and dreams for your new family, and it is hard to let go of them.
You will need to give yourselves time to come to terms with your loss, and then plan for your future.

This story was sent in on 27/01/2014

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