I have never been able to talk easily about my miscarriage

By anonymous on 22/02/2014
I have never been able to talk easily about my miscarriage. For one, it makes people uncomfortable, especially those who have never experienced it. And second, my ex-mother in-law during a fight, said something horrible to me about it, leaving me terrified to share my miscarriage experience with anyone, including people I SHOULD be sharing it with. It has even left me wondering whether I was really pregnant and miscarried. She was angry about something else and told me, "Well, I know for a FACT you were never pregnant and lied about having a miscarriage". Well, I want to move past this and what that horrible woman said to me. I was pregnant and did miscarry and this is my story.

I had experienced very light bleeding, spotting, during what would have been the week of my regular period. That was unusual, I remember thinking. Just odd enough for me make note of it in the back of my head. ( looking back now probably implantation bleeding)
The next month, I was getting, what I thought at first was my period. But it came 2 weeks early! I was like well now this is really odd! I'm so regular you can set your watch to my cycle! It started light then became regular and heavy lasting for 2 weeks.
During that time I decided it was time to call my doctor. I made an appointment to see her in about a week. When I got home later that day, there was a message from a nurse at the clinic, telling me I needed to come in sooner than my scheduled appointment.
By this time I had suspected I was having a miscarriage and too terrified to go into the clinic to have them confirm what I suspected. I knew if I heard it out loud it would break my heart.
My husband and I were in the middle of separating at this same time, I knew I couldn't handle such terrible sad news. Instead I waited another week and at my appointment asked my doctor for a pregnancy test, I was still holding onto a little bit of hope that maybe I could still be pregnant after this weird bleeding, since it hadn't been confirmed I had a miscarriage. The test of course was negative by this time.

Even after having a healthy baby after the miscarriage it's been difficult to process. I don't think it's ever something you "get over" It gets easier but always part of your heart.

Editor's Comment

An early miscarriage is difficult because you have nothing to show for it; no scan, no pregnancy test, only the feeling that your irregular bleeding was due to pregnancy. I don't think it really matters what anyone else says or thinks. It is what you felt that is important.

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