I have never been able to talk easily about my miscarriage
By anonymous on 22/02/2014
I have never been able to talk easily about my miscarriage. For one, it makes people uncomfortable, especially those who have never experienced it. And second, my ex-mother in-law during a fight, said something horrible to me about it, leaving me terrified to share my miscarriage experience with anyone, including people I SHOULD be sharing it with. It has even left me wondering whether I was really pregnant and miscarried. She was angry about something else and told me, "Well, I know for a FACT you were never pregnant and lied about having a miscarriage". Well, I want to move past this and what that horrible woman said to me. I was pregnant and did miscarry and this is my story. I had experienced very light bleeding, spotting, during what would have been the week of my regular period. That was unusual, I remember thinking. Just odd enough for me make note of it in the back of my head. ( looking back now probably implantation bleeding)
The next month, I was getting, what I thought at first was my period. But it came 2 weeks early! I was like well now this is really odd! I'm so regular you can set your watch to my cycle! It started light then became regular and heavy lasting for 2 weeks.
During that time I decided it was time to call my doctor. I made an appointment to see her in about a week. When I got home later that day, there was a message from a nurse at the clinic, telling me I needed to come in sooner than my scheduled appointment.
By this time I had suspected I was having a miscarriage and too terrified to go into the clinic to have them confirm what I suspected. I knew if I heard it out loud it would break my heart.
My husband and I were in the middle of separating at this same time, I knew I couldn't handle such terrible sad news. Instead I waited another week and at my appointment asked my doctor for a pregnancy test, I was still holding onto a little bit of hope that maybe I could still be pregnant after this weird bleeding, since it hadn't been confirmed I had a miscarriage. The test of course was negative by this time.
Even after having a healthy baby after the miscarriage it's been difficult to process. I don't think it's ever something you "get over" It gets easier but always part of your heart.
