I was around 4 weeks pregnant when I found out

By anonymous on 04/03/2014
I was around 4 weeks pregnant when I found out, I had done 3 tests and all positive, me and my boyfriend of 9 months were so excited it was unreal. We already started deciding on names and stuff stupid I know, but we couldn't help it, no one knew apart from our closest friends, our parents didn't even know. I was too scared because I am still quite young, however we were going to tell them after my first scan so we knew everything was ok.

However a few weeks down the line I started bleeding but it was brown, so I phoned the hospital and they said it was fine and normal so I calmed down and thought positive. A few days later I was just about to go in the shower and I wiped and there was red fresh blood and a little clot, straight away me and my boyfriend rushed to a&e where I was seen pretty quickly. They took my bloods etc, and booked me in for a scan in the next few days and sent me home reassuring me that everything would be ok.

The next day it happened again but this time the blood poured out and the clots were bigger, so I went to a&e again where they kept me overnight so I could have my scan the following morning. I knew I was miscarrying but still hoped for my baby to be ok even though deep down I knew it wasn't.
at this time both our parents found out and ended up coming to a&e as well however only my boyfriend stayed with me overnight to comfort me, we hardly had any sleep we just wanted to find out if our baby was still alive.

The day of my scan came, we waited in the waiting room feeling scared, anxious, all the horrible feelings you could name, my name got called and I was shaking. I laid down while she examined me, I couldn't bare to look at the screen because I knew I wouldn't see that heartbeat, and there wasn't one, it felt like my heart had been ripped out, me and my boyfriend were in bits, constantly crying on each other it was so hard, it really is a horrible feeling, probably one of the worst!
However we were allowed to go home the same day because I was going to wait for the miscarriage to pass naturally, and it did, the pain came, the bleeding came again and the bloods clots were getting bigger and bigger until one passed and it was my baby, tears rushed down my face I couldn't believe my baby was there, my Baby of 7 weeks, should of been 9, but stopped growing at 7. Miscarriage is an awful thing to go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, my heart goes out to the women who have been there, but remember life goes on however all these babies will never ever be forgotten about, especially not mine!

Editor's Comment

Very sad to hear of your loss, and the grief you felt when your fears were confirmed. You will never forget that baby you lost but in time the pain of it will get less. If you need some more support it is available. for miscarriage support.

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