I have had 5 miscarriages

We like most couples decided to start trying for a baby and had all the excitement and expectation that comes with it, the doctors said when we told them 'see you soon with a babe in arms!' Little did we know what would happen over the next 2.5 years.... We got pregnant quite a while after we started trying in April 2013, my husband and I were so excited..... we had booked a holiday to LA and I was very nervous about going but thought it would be okay. Two days after we got there I was in the emergency dept of the hospital and told we were having a miscarriage at 6 weeks... no words could describe the shock and helplessness I felt and the shock that my body hadn't 'done what it is supposed to do naturally'. At this point I started only eating organic, no caffeine, dairy, taking a lot of vitamins and exercising at least 3 times per week. I continued having acupuncture to help me boost fertility and prevent miscarriage. We were getting married at the end of July so we decided to focus on that and see what happened, then we found out we were pregnant again (by accident) and I hoped and prayed nothing bad would happen, but the constant of checking my underwear and wiping bewitched me. Everything felt normal, I went to see the midwife at 8 weeks- all fine! Then two days later I started bleeding, again I rushed to hospital for an emergency scan and was told the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks. We were heartbroken, 3 weeks before we were due to get married (the baby would have been 12 weeks on our wedding day) and we were in pieces both of us sobbed in the hospital room. Nothing happened for 3 weeks, and then I started bleeding a few days before the wedding, the day of our wedding I couldn't stand and was in a lot of pain, and I felt something fall out of me.... there was my baby... I was overcome with grief for this little life, my husband and I cried together and tried to remind ourselves that this was meant to be a happy day and put on our brave faces -the love and respect I felt for him that day is always with me. Two miscarriages felt like a lot - I am only 26 years old at this point. Christmas 2013,we got pregnant again - this time we went to a consultant, who gave us a soya bean and egg drip and progesterone pessaries, at 6 weeks pregnant I started bleeding brown, again we went for a scan and there was no heartbeat. I could not believe we had got to 3 miscarriages, this was not meant to happen, people with 3 might have something wrong, what if we couldn't have children? After this I tried to be proactive, and read anything I could find on miscarriage. In March we booked to see a specialist, who claimed 85% of patients had success after a number of miscarriages. We went, spent a fortune on tests and were told that I had NK natural killer cells and should take a huge number of drugs and everything should be fine - the cell levels were not too high.So I started on steroids, vitamin D, Omega 3 and continued taking Folic Acid (high dose), Prenatal Vits, all before we got pregnant. We got pregnant in June 2014, again super excited and just hoping that everything would be okay on the tablets, progesterone - after all we had been told there was a reason for the miscarriages and that it could be solved! We were happy and hopeful, we talked about the future, then on our wedding anniversary (with 15 people at our home) I started to miscarry. There are no words to explain the pain- exactly one year after losing our second baby and getting married we lose our 4th and on our 1st wedding anniversary. I cried for days and felt like such a failure to my husband. Our parents cried with us, and the pain continued on into our everyday lives. We got pregnant again in October 2014 (last month) and a week ago I started bleeding brown, but I had been prescribed considerably more drugs than last time along with 800 mg of progesterone to give my immune system one last kick so it wouldn't attack the baby. But a week ago I started bleeding, I ignored it and rested in the hope it would stop - it did stop and I was sure that we would get this beautiful baby and finally be a family! But I am miscarrying and the pain of our 5th is too much to bear. So I have had 5 miscarriages, I am 27 years old and have no children or previous pregnancies before my husband! We are forever changed and scared of what might happen, I don't tell many people what we have been through, I am unsure of what is next but I wanted to tell our story so anyone with 5 miscarriages, no children, in their 20's or early 30's knows there are others out there, I cannot find many who are in a similar place but would love to hear if anyone is. The babies are never forgotten and I carry the pain of the last 2.5 years with me, I just want to be happy again. But I do not think the nightmare will end until we have a baby of our own in our arms - I am not ready to give up on that dream yet...

Editor's Comment

I am so sorry for your enormous loses. I can understand how painful this has been for you, although no one can fully comprehend what it has been like for you both. I do hope that your dream is realised and that you will receive some comfort after the pain of your loses. If it would help at all to talk to someone please contact CareConfidential, for miscarriage support.

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