The most awful experience of my life. By Victoria

I'd never really given any thought to children, subconsciously I was terrified I would turn out like my mother. Now,planning my wedding I warmed to the idea of having my fiance's babies someday.

I was on the pill but had been known to miss a few here and there. Missing one period I didn't think much of it but two... well that preyed on my mind. I'll do a test tomorrow I kept telling myself, thinking that the more I put off confirming my suspicions the later I would have to deal with the reality of a possible pregnancy. At this point I should tell you that I'm something of a klutz so falling flat onto my face was no big surprise. I landed on my stomach. If only I had fallen the other way... Within hours I began bleeding like never before,not like a period, it was different. The pain was different.My pharmacist confirmed that many women fail in their first three months without even realising it. I took the recommended test which showed I was or at least had been pregnant. It was the most awful experience of my life but true to the British stiff upper lip I moved on, or so I thought.

Recently my best friend called my in hysterics having just found out she's pregnant. At 19,she is terrified.I want to be the friend she needs me to be, to hold her hand on this journey. Yet this news brought up my pain I thought I had repressed. Why her and not me? I hate myself for thinking it. It isn't fair. She knows what happened but can I really bring it up again? Am I negating her experience if I do? I'm happy for her but I can't help but feel unjustly robbed of what might have been.

Editor's Comment

Yes it's hard to have a constant reminder of your own loss and what might have been. I think that people are often unaware how distressing a miscarriage is, and the sense of grief and loss can go on for some time. I think it would be reasonable for you to tell your friend that while you are thrilled for her, it is bringing up some painful memories for you that you are having to work through. It's better to be honest and I think she will appreciate your honesty rather than pretending everything is fine.

This story was sent in on 09/07/2015

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