I feel guilty after a miscarriage without knowing I was pregnant - is it okay to grieve?

Hi, I'm just gonna call myself A. I'm 16 years old and a few months ago (early November), I had a miscarriage.

I didn't know I was pregnant for sure but had suspected it for about 2 weeks before. My boyfriend and I barely used protection because we were both clean and I am on Nexplanon.

But the morning of a trip for my business class, I was experiencing severe cramping and heavy bleeding which was unnatural for me. But I tried my best to suck it up as I had important meetings to be in.

Around the middle of the day, I went to the bathroom because I needed to be alone because it hurt so bad. So I used the bathroom and at first, I thought it was just blood, but then I saw the huge clots that came out of me.

They didn't look like normal clots and it was like my mind knew exactly what had happened. I had a miscarriage without even knowing I was pregnant.

I've been blocking it out for months now but its really starting to hit me that I lost my baby. I have only told my two closest friends. My boyfriend doesn't know and I can't bring myself to tell him because it's been so long now.

I just feel guilty for not knowing I was pregnant and now grieving like I am. Is it okay to feel like this when I didn't even know I was pregnant?

This story was sent in on 22/01/2019

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