I ruled out abortion as I just couldn't do it

By anonymous on 01/06/2010
I was 16 about to turn 17 young, naïve partying all night long then I found out I was pregnant!
I can remember being sat in the girls toilets in my high school and staring at the positive pregnancy test. I was shaking and didn't know what to do but my best friend who was 16 at the time had been through the same situation, she was the only one who knew what was going on in my head. I didn't tell her but she could see it in my eyes, she didn't want to say it out loud so she texted "are you pregnant? ..." I couldn't even text back I was just sat in class crying. I was like one person in my whole school I didn't know what to do.

When I told my mum all she did was cry

When she found me, she just hugged me and I cried we were in the middle of the corridor just us two, me crying on her shoulder. That night I went to my friend's house after school and plucked up the nerve to tell my mum. When my friend found out she was pregnant she told me, and my mum was very supportive of her so hopefully she would be of me. When I told her all she did was cry.
I stopped at my friend's house that night, I just couldn't face my mum. When I got home in the morning she was sat there at the table waiting for me. I just cried as she hugged me, she told me it would be alright but I knew it wasn't going to be.

My boyfriend said it wasn't his

Over the next week I told my boyfriend and he wouldn't accept it he said that it wasn't his. I knew it was, he was the only one I had slept with, we broke up but he came to terms with it and we got back together. He couldn't tell his family so I was torn in two. I couldn't tell them, my mum couldn't tell them, it had to come from him. I had to do it! why couldn't he!
I couldn't think what would be best abortion, adoption or keeping it those were my only options. I ruled out abortion as I just couldn't do it I couldn't thinking about it, it made me cringe, there was a baby inside of me and I just couldn't kill it. I went to my scan and found out i was expecting a baby boy. It made me feel all warm inside to know that there was something in my stomach growing feeding off me. I couldn't do it I couldn't give him away it would break my heart to walk in with him and walk out with out him.
So we decided to keep him. I finished school with all my GCSE'S 17 in total, and prepared for my new arrival. I decided I wanted to call him Joseph Patrick after my granddad. We were kept busy getting everything ready for his arrival, but then before he was born my granddad was taken ill, this caused stress and my water broke the next day and I spent 14 hours giving birth to him but I didn't mind.

I loved him from the first moment I saw him

My granddad got to see his great grandson which was all he had wanted seeing as I was an only child and so was my mother all he wanted was a boy in the family and that's what he got.
I can see the smile on his face still now to this day and I know that he is still smiling down on me Joe and my boyfriend.
Shortly after he passed away my mum moved in with my grandma to help her cope with things they had been married since she was 16 so it was a hard time for us all but her especially . So my mum gave me and my boyfriend her house a 2 bedroom cottage in a little village around the corner from my gran's house. We decorated it to our taste and bought a car with our own money then my boyfriend's mum gave him her old car to get to and from work. My mum and my gran look after Joe whilst I am at university in the day so we don't have childcare to pay for, she even loved it so much she started a child-minding business me and my mum even have 2 businesses a hair dresser's and the child minders the hairdresser's was hers but she took up the childcare responsibilities and looks after my gran full time.
I find it hard sometimes and sometimes I wish I would have waited but I am glad that my granddad was there to see Joe and I know he is looking down and smiling at us and keeping us from harms way. It was the hardest thing that happened to me and it changes your life forever but I know that Joe didn't ask to be conceived it was mine and my boyfriends fault but I am trying to be the best mum I can be and I am trying to keep my son happy.

Editor's Comment

Thanks for your lovely story which sounds amazing at your age. It shows how important the support of friends and family are, and how much you can achieve when you have that support. I'm sure it's not been easy for you at times, and the death of your granddad must have been a great loss and hard to come to terms with. I hope that your course goes well and that you don't feel you have missed out on your education having a baby. It's hard to study and be a mum but it sounds as though you are doing a brilliant job. Many centres offer support for young mums like you follow the link to find a centre for pregnancy support in your area.

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