I have missed my period
I remember finding out that I was pregnant in year 11 before class. I immediately went to the counsellor and my only thought was adoption. If I could run away and find accommodation away from all the chaos I would have left in a heart beat. I had no support networks and no financial stability, I was still in school. My partner at the time was 19. He loved me dearly, and pulled together as much money as he needed to cover the cost of the abortion. We sat in the clinic reception crying before my procedure. Neither of us wanted this. There was not one day that went by where we didn't regret giving up the child. Two years later and I am still grieving at my loss, my mistake and my choice. I was the mother, I should have protected the child but I was still only a child myself. The father and I continued dating for the next year and a half.
At the beginning of this year we broke up. I have been seeing my partner for about 6 months now. I have missed my period by a week now and I am so afraid this is a repeat of my past.
I have always told myself that I will never put myself through an abortion again because of the heartache and loss it caused me.Now that I am possibly stuck in the same situation I am considering otherwise. I now work full time in retail, I don't know what to do. His father would not accept him having a child with me, nor does he. As much as he loves me he has a life to live and this burden will not be easy on him. I plan on concealing my pregnancy, then slowly introduce the idea of moving out. I want to see if centrelink can help me with accommodation and financial help, but I am afraid that they will refuse as I make 500 a week. This still could not possibly cover the cost of the child's health and well being, and cover for my rent outside and the little necessities like a cot, or a crib or a pram. I want to keep my baby if I am pregnant, no doubt, but I am afraid of my family, my friends and all that are around me.
My mother suspected I was pregnant during my last pregnancy and she was spot on. The arguments and grief it caused day and night during school semester was insane. This is given the fact that she was just going by a hunch. I denied,denied and denied. And quickly booked the abortion appointment because she was beginning to find out. She told me that it wasn't too late to abort if I was pregnant and I went ahead denying the whole thing. Just the mere fact that she immediately resorted to abortion as a form of helping me scares me now. Maybe now that I am 19 things may be different? Nevertheless no one can find out, and if I can find a way to support this baby on my own and hide my pregnancy then I will keep the baby with no doubts. If I can't then I am afraid I must abort yet again.
I don't want this to happen to me please help me. I am picking up my results for my blood works tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best. I am now currently researching adoption (which I do not want to resort to) and ways to conceal your pregnancy. I dont want to lose my child if I am pregnant.