I was 14 years old when I found out I was pregnant.
It was about late August, I was with my friend and I told her I was scared I was pregnant as my period had not come. The next day we went to my local pharmacy and got 2 pregnancy tests. I didn't really know how to use them but we went into a local hotel and used their toilets. The test did not show up with anything and I was convinced I was not pregnant. Later on we were at the park and it was still running through my mind, I decided to do another test. Sounds disgusting I know but I done the test behind a tree, and I looked at the test and my heart just dropped. It said I was pregnant. I just cried and cried and rang my other friend and she was just in shock. I didn't know what to do. I saw my twin sister at the park and just ran over to her and screamed "I'm pregnant!" I was in tears.
I got home and stopped crying, I told the father and he wanted me to keep the baby. I knew I couldn't, he could never be a father,he just couldn't. I couldn't tell my mum, I couldn't tell anyone. It got to October and I was getting bigger and just didn't know what to do. I had no choice so I rang my brother crying my eyes out, and he told his mum (my step mum) I could tell my step mum anything, I trusted her with my life. However they both live in Essex so there was not much they could do.
My friend who drives took me to the hospital to get a scan, I faked a note and got out of school. When I saw the scan I was just so happy, that was my beautiful baby. I was convinced it was a girl because I looked up symptoms to find out the sex. My other friend told her step mum and dad and they arranged that they would take me to get the abortion as I was just so terrified and could not tell my mum.
It was ruining my life, I couldn't cope. One school morning I went downstairs to get a drink, I just woke up. My mum came up to me and asked if I was pregnant, I was in shock. I didn't know what to say so I told her no, I said I didn't know what she was talking about. She told me to tell the truth so that she could help me, I bawled my eyes out and told her. I never thought my mum would be so supportive, I was so scared she would be angry at me, but she wasn't.
The time came and she took me to the clinic, I could not have done it without her. I was in so much pain when they gave me the pain relief tablets. I was so happy my step mum had told her. I couldn't have done it without her.
I remember before they put me to sleep crying as I knew my baby was going. I woke up fine, I didn't think anything of it I thought I was going to be fine.
The months went by and it's ruined me, there isn't a day I go without thinking about it. It's 5 months today since my baby was taken away from me. I miss her so much and love her with the whole of my heart. mummy loves you xxxxxxxx