I was 14 years old when I found out I was pregnant.

I was 14 years old when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was very unfaithful. He had cheated on me various amounts of times but I just couldn't leave him, I was in love. It was about late August, I was with my friend and I told her I was scared I was pregnant as my period had not come. The next day we went to my local pharmacy and got 2 pregnancy tests. I didn't really know how to use them but we went into a local hotel and used their toilets. The test did not show up with anything and I was convinced I was not pregnant. Later on we were at the park and it was still running through my mind, I decided to do another test. Sounds disgusting I know but I done the test behind a tree, and I looked at the test and my heart just dropped. It said I was pregnant. I just cried and cried and rang my other friend and she was just in shock. I didn't know what to do. I saw my twin sister at the park and just ran over to her and screamed "I'm pregnant!" I was in tears. I got home and stopped crying, I told the father and he wanted me to keep the baby. I knew I couldn't, he could never be a father,he just couldn't. I couldn't tell my mum, I couldn't tell anyone. It got to October and I was getting bigger and just didn't know what to do. I had no choice so I rang my brother crying my eyes out, and he told his mum (my step mum) I could tell my step mum anything, I trusted her with my life. However they both live in Essex so there was not much they could do. My friend who drives took me to the hospital to get a scan, I faked a note and got out of school. When I saw the scan I was just so happy, that was my beautiful baby. I was convinced it was a girl because I looked up symptoms to find out the sex. My other friend told her step mum and dad and they arranged that they would take me to get the abortion as I was just so terrified and could not tell my mum. It was ruining my life, I couldn't cope. One school morning I went downstairs to get a drink, I just woke up. My mum came up to me and asked if I was pregnant, I was in shock. I didn't know what to say so I told her no, I said I didn't know what she was talking about. She told me to tell the truth so that she could help me, I bawled my eyes out and told her. I never thought my mum would be so supportive, I was so scared she would be angry at me, but she wasn't. The time came and she took me to the clinic, I could not have done it without her. I was in so much pain when they gave me the pain relief tablets. I was so happy my step mum had told her. I couldn't have done it without her. I remember before they put me to sleep crying as I knew my baby was going. I woke up fine, I didn't think anything of it I thought I was going to be fine. The months went by and it's ruined me, there isn't a day I go without thinking about it. It's 5 months today since my baby was taken away from me. I miss her so much and love her with the whole of my heart. mummy loves you xxxxxxxx

Editor's Comment

This must have been a very difficult experience for you, especially after seeing the scan. It sounds as though you were torn by your feelings for your baby, and then facing the circumstances of still being at school and living at home. It is sad that things were so secret early on as at this stage some counselling may have been helpful for you to think through your choices. I wonder if having some post abortion counselling and support now would help you to process some of the pain and loss you are feeling. This is available through the CareConfidential helpline 0300 4000 999, or log onto Online advisor from the website. for post abortion support.

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