I really don't know what to do. Is an abortion right for me?

Gosh.....well, so I've been in care since I was 15 now I'm 16 and a half. I've never seen my parents before not even a picture of them or hear their voice on a phone or something but when I was 14 this man came up to my nan's house telling my that he's my dad and he wants to take me with him where his wife is (so called my mom) so I couldn't do or say anything because my nanny said "sweetheart I'm coming with you as well". So I went with this man who was intending to be my dad and with my nanny, so we reached there now my nanny went to visit her nephews and I've been left with this woman and this man who says they are my parents but we don't look alike absolutely at all but yeah.

So this man came in my room telling me to come downstairs in the living room so I went and there was a Jamaican man staring at me like really bad, he winked at this man who says is mt dad and then tells me "you gotta give this man all you can, give him pleasure, a nice time and when he said all that I had an idea of what he meant so he punched me out of the door way and him and his wife locked the living room door and lock me inside there with this Jamaican man and he  sexually abused me forced me and beat me up to do what he wanted me to do in them 2 hours. Then when it finally was finished he called my dad and mom in, he walked out the house and my dad and mom were standing in the door way laughing at me and telling me to go upstairs because I gotta be ready for the next one.

So I was screaming and crying but there's was no one to take me out from there and that sexual abuse it happen 2 more times after the first one, since that day it became a daily thing and my dad was forcing me to have sex with his friends every day/night for hours and one night my dad tried it too but I kicked him in the balls and ran downstairs but 1 week after that he did it! He had sex with me, then he used to do it like 6-9 times a day for hours and there's no words to explain the way I felt, the way I'm feeling right now when I'm thinking of it.

So the sexual explotation continued until I was 15 after 3 months after my birthday he forced me to have sex again but I never knew until that night when a man from Spain came there to have me from the night that my dad was getting money for it, like thousands per hour so I totally refused to get out the room and I was holding onto the bed's end and my dad came into the room like really angry and started to beat me up like really bad he broke a mirror on my head then stepped on my back 3 times then chucked me from the very top the stairs to the bottom of it, then I was completely destroyed!  I couldn't move or have the courage to look at myself in the mirror because of the way he made me look it literally made me faint when I've seen myself.

1 week after that he sent me to school and there the teachers seen the wounds in my head that was bleeding like really bad plus the way I was walking anyone could tell something bad has happened to me so the teacher came to me and told me to tell her what's happened because she knows something is wrong because she can see it, but she needs me to tell her with my own mouth so it took me like 3 days to tell her and in them 3 days I kept on asking her and begging her not to call my dad or anyone yet until I see my nanny and then I'll tell her absolutely exactly what's happened to me so them 3 days when way too fast and I was sitting down with this 2 teachers in front of me and I was telling them every single thing that has happened and there's just not words to explain how I felt at all but I knew deep down is the right thing to be taken out of that nightmare.

After school 2 police officers , a social worker and the 2 teachers got me into a room and told me that I am not going back in that house but I'm going into care. So I've been taken by that social worker to his office and we been there for 3 hours then he took me to this lady which was an emergency carer so I've been living with her for like 3 weeks and in them 3 weeks I was feeling so depressed,lonely,harmless and devastated but there was no one to talk to as this carer was busy with the 2 other kids there who's been given into her care so here's the day when I moved from her care to another foster carer in Solihull there was this old man with his wife so at first I was alright because I've seen this man's lovely, warm and huge smile and I've been alright first night but as the 3 weeks goes I'm getting so depressed and I've got a blouse and wrapped the sleeves around my neck really really really tight then I dropped down and him and his wife came running up in my room finding me on the floor struggling to breath all my face covered In blood because I've had a nose bleeding because the blouse was knotted really tight around my neck. So this man takes it off and screams my name a few times and I wake up crying and scaring as mad but then his wife goes at her daughter to get her there for me and her husband stays there with me , I'm all curled up with my knees and my face between em and he stayed there for 4 hours with me talking to me and telling me what he's been through and loads of stuff that took me out of that feeling at that moment. Since that night I had that connection with him but being in care at 15 and my dad declined every single thing on the delegation paper that social services gave him to sign for me for while I'm in care and I was stuck in the house for 11 months there because I've had no friends in that area. I had no way to get out on my own as they knew I was in danger because  my dad was following me everywhere and because my level of vulnerability was way too big but my foster dad has been there for me all the time., He's been the father that I've never ever had in my whole entire life, he managed to get me out and see my friend on the weekend with an agreement with the girl's parents and social services agreement and I've been going there after my 16th birthday.

There at my friend's house I met her 22 year old brother who I felt in love with and he felt for me too. He was closed up , he didn't wanted or he didn't knew how to let his feelings out to be shown because he's been though a tough time since he was 13 he lost some really loved, so I've been dating him for like 6 months now and I got pregnant which I never thought I could because I've had an ovarian cyst and it seemed to be impossible but it happened and I really don't know what to do about it ,I'm only 16 and a half but I don't know who I can talk to about it because I don't live with my foster parents anymore because of his his jealous wife and I'm so scared. I'm pregnant in 4 weeks and the guy wants the baby so bad but I'm thinking of my education and I really don't know what to do. Is an abortion right for me or not? I need help.

Editor's Comment

Your story is a terrible catelogue of abuse and betrayal and very difficult and painful to read. The issue of your pregnancy now needs to be talked through carefully so that you do not feel more traumatised by any decision you make. please get in touch with a specialist service that can help you.

This story was sent in on 09/04/2015

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