Feeling ignored and pushed aside I rebelled becoming rude and promiscuous and by 14 I was pregnant and hooked on drugs

Hi, I’m 17 years old. I come from a crazy massive family of 8 siblings, me being the fourth child was hard. I was ignored and pushed aside. I had lots of responsibility for the other younger ones and by 12/13 I rebelled and started bunking off school, smoking and partying whenever I got the chance.

To cut a long story short I was a rebellious, rude and promiscuous girl and by 14 I was pregnant and hooked on drugs.

I was going out with a guy who was 21 at the time (YES I KNOW!!) and I had run away from my home and moved away with him. For nearly two years I lived this lifestyle of drink, drugs and sex.


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When I just turned 14 I found out I was pregnant. First thing I did was tell MY BOYFRIEND. He was completely sure it wasn’t his and wanted nothing more to do with me! I was so hurt and scared I was only 14 and for the first time in my life, I felt like it.

My boyfriend and I grew apart and he later got arrested for possession of drugs and sentenced to 4 years in prison. I was heartbroken. I was 14, 5 months pregnant with twins and alone in another city. All my 'friends' left me alone, stayed clear.

I still loved my boyfriend but couldn’t handle the loneliness so I went back home for the first time in 18 months... as I got to the door my Mum opened it. The minute she saw me she burst into tears as she hugged me she felt my bump and cried even more.

She was just so pleased to see me after 18 months. She asked about my boyfriend and all the truth came pouring out. We cried for 3 hours straight, talked about everything. Then when she asked what I was going to do with the baby, I was stuck.

I actually hadn’t thought about it. I mean, I just thought of it as pregnancy, I had to keep it...or did I? As I went to bed that night after all my brothers and sisters harassed me and asked 1000 questions I thought about whether I wanted this baby, without my boyfriend, could I manage?

I had my mum but I wanted my boyfriend. I decided I would place the babies for adoption and get them back later (I KNOW, I WAS STUPID) when my boyfriend and I were back together.

Four months later I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. I told my boyfriend and even he was excited! But I immediately gave them up. I didn’t want to hold them at all, I knew I would get attached.

I cried for weeks on end. I didn't leave my room for two weeks at one point. I felt so guilty. And now I was 15 in two days I didn’t want to celebrate.

I started to regret my decision. Lee wasn’t coming out for another 2/3 years... why did I give up my beautiful baby girls? HOW? What sort of monster was I? I started self-harming and pulling my hair.

My family was so worried they had me sectioned for 2 months. As I sank into depression I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, my boyfriend was to be released early for good behaviour and would be home in just over a year. I was excited, I started taking all my medication, I got a home tutor and I was finally after all those years sorting my self out. And it felt great. But I still felt this ache to hold my babies who were now 6 months old.

So I got in contact with the adoption agency and they considered the situation and allowed me to have once a week, 2-hour sessions with my children. I was ecstatic! They were just too cute to be true and looked exactly the same. My mum also loved them and started to understand why I had them taken away in the first place.

So with time, I got my self sorted and started college and studied health and social care. My boyfriend was released later that year and I was getting to know my kids. My boyfriend then moved in with me, my mum and younger siblings.

It was the perfect arrangement. And a year later things are going great. I only smoke cigarettes now, so does my boyfriend and we stay well clear of drink and drugs. And now I’m studying to be a social worker. Life couldn’t be better!

I see my daughters, they know who I am and I’m one step closer to us being a family again... life doesn’t have to end when you have kids.

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!!!!!

This story was sent in on 11/10/2009

Editor's comment

You had a difficult start in life and made some bad decisions when you were younger, but it’s great to hear that things are working out for you now.

It was brave of you to choose adoption for your babies when you felt that perhaps you couldn't give them the home or care you wanted for them.

I'm glad that you're still able to be in touch. Adoption used to be a very closed decision with no contact, but I think it is becoming more open and that is good for birth Mums like you and good for your babies to grow up knowing that you love them.

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