I was fourteen when I first got pregnant, So I told my Mom I missed my period and she was shocked.

I was fourteen when I first got pregnant, So I told my Mom I missed my period and she was shocked. I told her there was a chance I could be pregnant. She bought me two tests and when they both came out positive she was in disbelif and took me to the doctors to get a real test. They called back the same day to let me know it came out positive. I was so scared I didnt know what I was going to do. My Mom basically told me abortion was my only option. She wasn't going to raise another child and it was either that or I moved out at fourteen and started my life as a grown up. My Mom was very angry with me and said some things I will never forget. I had the abortion pill at home. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through so far. I was detached from friends and felt so alone. After it was over I felt empty and it was a different feeling than being pregnant. It took me about a year to get to the point where I wasn't thinking about it and could feel like I was fully healed emotionally and everything. The nightmares went away and I was doing good.. so here I am two years later at sixteen almost seventeen. I'm 85% sure I'm pregnant because I know this feeling I've had it before and I have all the symptoms. I cannot tell my Mom, her birthday is this month and christmas is soon and it will stress her out to the max. She never even finished paying off the first abortion. I've been lying to her about having sex. It's with the same guy from when I was fourteen. He said he would pay for the abortion and he acts like he doesn't care, or it doesn't bother him that I have to get another abortion. I'm feeling very very alone and sad and confused and guilty and lost. I've been crying for the past four days,and I feel myself sinking into a deep depression, just when I think I can get my life to the place where I want it. I have let myself down and I just don't know if I can go through this again. I dont know where to go and I dont know what I should do. Editor's Comment:- I am so sorry that you are struggling with another possible unplanned pregnancy. The abortion you had at 14 obviously had a deep emotional effect on you, even though it was a decision that was pushed onto you by your Mum and your age. The first thing you need to do is find out if you are definitely pregnant. Then it would be good to talk to a pregnancy advisor to go through your options and think carefully about this very important decision. You may feel at nearly 17 that you can make your decision more independently, and I think it's important not to be pressurised by your boyfriend, or by fear of your Mum's reaction. You definitely need some support and help. If you ring the national helpline number we will try and get you in touch with some support, and the advisor you speak to will be able to talk to you on the phone about how you are feeling. You could also look on the Care confidential web site and see if there is a centre near to where you live.
This story was sent in on 07/11/2009

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