I am a senior in high school, and in August of last year I found out I was pregnant.
By anonymous on 27/01/2010I am a senior in high school, and in August of last year I found out I was pregnant. I found out at 4 weeks using a home pregnancy test, then went to the clinic and confirmed it. Mind you, I was 17, I just now turned 18...I wanted to keep the baby, but knew the only thing I could provide was love. My boyfriend and I talked about it and decided that our best option was abortion, so I made an appt. I went to the clinic and chose to have a medical/chemical abortion. I was given an ultrasound, and I was able to see the baby, I almost fainted because of how guilty I felt about what I was about to do to my baby. But, I went on with it. I took the first pill in the doctor's office then went home; 24 hours later I took the other two. Within the hour I started having contractions and started bleeding. I was vomiting, sweating, bleeding so much I could barely move. I used heat packs to calm the pain, but it didn't seem to help very much. I continued bleeding and passing large clots for about three hours, then it gradually stopped. Afterwards I was drained and felt hollow. It has now been about 4 months since my abortion and I am starting to feel guilty and am trying to find consolation in anything I can. I had made myself numb so I did not have to cope with what I did, but now it is all starting to hit me. I cannot even see a pregnant woman, or an ultrasound even on tv with out becoming sad. I greatly regret what I did but I know it was the best action I could have taken at the time. In the future I will hopefully be able to move on and not feel guilty, but in the meantime I am trying to deal with it as best I can.
It is hard to be at school and faced with an unplanned pregnancy at 17. I should imagine you and your boyfriend were feeling scared and a bit out of your depth. The physical effects you experienced are not uncommon, and I am not sure you are prepared for this in the information the clinics give to women. Your emotions of guilt and regret may stem from having seen the scan image, and been more aware of how the fetus looked beforehand. It must have been hard to go through with it feeling the way you did. There is a post abortion support programme run by many pregnancy centres that would help you to work through some of these feelings and come to terms with what you have been through. Do ring the helpline 0300 4000 999, or look on the web site to see if there is a centre offering this near you