7 weeks pregnant and I swing from terror to moderate happiness
On paper there is no concern - I have a really supportive boyfriend who I have been living with for the last 8 years, a large house in the countryside and (I think) a supportive employer. Although the pregnancy was unplanned my partner has wanted to have children for the past 5 years. My view has always been 'maybe at some point in the future'.
I am concerned my mood will affect my childI have struggled with depression since my late teens (I am now 30) and have been on a waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy for the last 3 years as I don't want to take anti-depressants and finally had my first session last week which felt like a bit of a let down after such a long wait. I am very concerned that my mood will affect my child - my mother had depression when I was growing up and I think this has affected me and I am just worried that the cycle will repeat again.
Since finding out I was pregnant I have been struggling to sleep and waking up throughout the night worrying about whether I will be able to be a good mother. These worries are then exacerbated further by my reading that anxiety and stress during pregnancy can do harm to the child when it is in the womb and I feel even worse. Reading some of the other stories on here I feel that my worries are very selfish. Even without the depression issue I am not sure that I really want a child - I am worried about the effect on my body, childbirth, the lack of sleep and the level of commitment required.