I will experience the pain for the rest of my life

`my story.. gosh where do u start! I was perfectly happy with 2 fantastic kids. Good job and everything going ok and then I found out I was pregnant at 40. Shocked was a small word to use. I went numb and just 20 mins after taking a test crying with shock the doctor gave me a form to terminate.
All I said to her was I didn't want a baby.
I feel that I then started on a journey which I yearned to get off but all those around me said it was the right thing to do.
I am a strong person and can not believe that i let people decide and take matters into their own hands.
I am now 11 weeks on from the day and the pain hurts it eats my insides and affects by life so much. Everything is affected and I feel that my pain will never ever go away and I will experience the pain for the rest of my life as punishment for what I did. Can anyone help?

Editor's Comment

These events often feel as though you have got onto a roller coaster and you can't get off. It is so very hard to find that you have been swept along with a decision that seemed to be the right thing to do, without fully exploring it with someone objective. I am sorry that you are now suffering and regreting the decision you made. There is help for women like yourself through a post abortion support progamme called 'The Journey' which helps you to work through some of these very painful emotions. Please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999 for more information, or follow the link find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 06/06/2010

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