My husband said it was him or the baby

I am 36 & have wanted a baby for two years.

My husband doesn't want children. I let my husband believe I had got pregnant accidently. I told him I was taking the pill but I wasn't.

My husband said it was him or the baby

When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked because we had only had sex once & I couldn't believe it. My first thoughts were shock. My husband said it was him or the baby. I knew he didn't want it I felt so alone.

Within 48 hours of finding out I was pregnant I fell to pieces emotionally. I suffer from depression & have been taking anti depressants for 10 months.

I wanted to be happy but I just could not cope with how this would change my life. I contacted a private abortion clinic and I had several counselling sessions before my termination and I also had some afterwards.

I feel I will never be a mum

I hate myself that I could not cope with this event in my life that I wanted so much. Now I feel I will never be a mum because I cannot let myself get into this situation again.

My GP said I have to forgive myself. Some days I do. But I have to live with this for the rest of my life & also the fact I will never be a mum even though I want it.

What if I can't cope if it happened again ! I cannot take that chance. So I remain childless & unhappy & unfulfilled & I did this to myself no one else I am to blame for being weak, selfish & afraid.