I'm 20, at uni, and had a surgical abortion at 11 weeks
I had a surgical abortion at just over 11 weeks, three weeks ago now. I'm 20, at uni away from home and the father was just casual sex, who was in a relationship with someone else. I kept a bit of a short blog, and I thought it may be helpful to someone else out there having the same emotional whirlwind.
[For links to more stories about surgical abortion etc use this page.]
My Abortion Blog
Since I found out a long 18 days ago, I think I have experienced such a mix of emotions.
Firstly; pure fear - the fear I was too late to abort- fear fear fear. I was calm a few hours after and the moment I found out I didn't react at all, in fact, I went out to see my friends as pre-arranged.
I knew (call it this famous woman's intuition I never used to believe in) that the biggest feeling of 'worry' just that I was out of control- I was forced into taking action, speaking to someone, admitting my problem... scratch that... situation.
I couldn't eat, talk, sit still, sleep, I was a mess. Then a numbness- a disappointment in myself- that I would get myself into this situation, I guess I was dealing with the reality, but being too much I tried to beat away the idea of having to keep the baby (if I was over the 24 week mark) I felt trapped and started to believe what a horrid and evil person I was.
I was/am so cold it was untrue, I still haven't thought of this as my 'baby' its an unwanted thing- I only cried one night on the phone to one of my best guy mates- and that was when discussing the person I have turned into- I would never have slept about with taken men before uni, I would never have been so careless in life.
Write down your feelings
I'd really recommend writing down your feelings, because I remember how scared and desperate I was, how worried I was that it would be too late and be out of my control, my obsession with time and every day mattered- the quicker I got booked in the better, a hatred for my body as it changed or I noticed symptoms, the way I was permanently on the internet finding sites like this for advice and just information on where and what to do.
Now I look back, I can see how my thought processes changed and how I came to my decision, which was best for me.
This story was sent in on 02/06/2010