A surgical abortion at 14
I was 14 when we moved house and had just got a place at the brit school for performing arts. I'd always been extremely passionate and motivated to become an actress and was over the moon to get a place at such an amazing school.
After we moved house I met my neighbour who was around 16 at the time. To cut a long story short we started a relationship that was based completely on him coming round late at night and us sleeping together.
I had a pregnancy scare and when I told him I thought I was pregnant he was so sweet rubbing my tummy telling me he loved me and insisting he was going to be there at the birth.
It was a couple of months later when I found out I was pregnant for real he made it clear he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby as he had a trial coming up and there was a possibility he would go to prison.
I decided the best thing to do would be to have a abortion.
My family were amazing and really supportive which is more than I can say for my friends, one of whom (my childhood friend) stated that she was disgusted and didn't want anything more to do with me.
So I went to the GP who confirmed everything and refered me to the hospital.
For your first meeting at hospital (I went to the Homerton in Hackney) you have a scan which is difficult emotionally as I really wanted to look) then you talk to a nurse about your sexual history. They then decide if you should have the surgical abortion or medical abortion.
They decided a surgical would be best for me.It was November and I was told I'd have to wait until January meaning I had to carry the baby all through Christmas and New Year.
It was the most difficult period of my life I quit the Brit school, lost touch with most of my friends and was a mess.
I had to be at the hospital early for my termination. I was taken onto a ward where women were coming round from their operations or waiting for them. A lady took me into a room after I'd gotton into my robe an inserted some pills into my vagina. I was told at this point it was not a good idea to change my mind as these tablets were to loosen my vagina. I then had to put on a pad as there could be some blood.
After this I was taken back onto the ward. I wasn't allowed anyone with me past the reception area and neither was anyone else. I sat in a chair with the curtain pulled round and cried uncontrollably. I just couldn't get it together I felt so alone.
The lady who had inserted my pills pulled back the curtain and asked me why I was crying and who had upset me? I just replied I was ok.
She then told me to go into the tv room and wait to be called. I sat in the tiny TV room waiting for about an hour until they finally called me.
I patted my stomach and said 'I'm so sorry'I asked to go to the toilet once inside I patted my stomach and for some reason said I'm so sorry. I was taken down a ward and shown into a hall that was the bit before you enter theatre. A bed was there which I climbed onto. An anaethetist then strapped up my wrist. No one spoke to me the whole time apart from when the doctor came in and asked if I had any questions. I said no. The anaethetist told me to count to 10 - I got to 3 then fell under.
I came round on the ward had a cup of tea and finally met my mum again. The experience didn't hurt at all physically but has scarred me emotionally for life.
I know I did the right thing but I still think about what could have been everyday!
Editor's CommentThis sounds as though it was quite an ordeal for you to go through, particularly as you had to wait such a long time over Christmas. I am sorry too that you left the Brit school as it sounded as though this was very important to you.
I hope you are able to get your life back on track. It may be that you will need help to come to terms with what you have been through, and support to work through the emotions you are feeling. If you would like some help please contact the national helpline for details 0300 4000 999, or you can contact Online Advisor to get an Online counselling service. There may be a post abortion counsellor near you. Follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.