I was 16 weeks pregnant with my baby when I went to the doctor’s, where it was confirmed.

I was 16 weeks pregnant with my baby when I went to the doctor’s, where it was confirmed. My mum cried and I cried. She said I was too young and abortion was the only answer. I agreed. I thought it was the right thing to do. I had one week knowing that something was growing inside me. It was the most nicest, fulfilling feeling I have ever experienced before in my life. I bonded with my baby, I talked to it and I saw its tiny wee hand on the screen when I went for my scan.

I travelled to England where I had the abortion. My mum kept telling me it was for the best and so I agreed. After, my mum told me never to mention it again. She told me to get on with my life and forget about it. I tried my best to do this by getting on with my studies etc. I was pushing my feelings of guilt and loneliness down...I was trying to forget about my baby. Things took a turn for the worse when my boyfriend cheated on me a couple of months later. He broke my heart. I felt used, sad and cried almost everyday. I loved him with all my heart.

Now, a year on I am currently receiving counselling. I realise now that I pushed my feelings so far down and didn’t take time to grieve for my baby. It took a year for me to break down when I realised I needed help. I told my mum and she brought me to the doctor’s. Counselling has really helped me. I have realised that I can’t do what my mum wants me to do... I can’t forget about my baby. I’ve given her a name and I have created a box with special things in it for her where I go to when I think about her.

It was a tough journey...a journey I will never forget. I love my baby and I will never forget about her, never.

Editor’s note: Thank you for having the courage to tell us your story. It’s good that now, through counselling, you are able to attend to your heart. The experience of both being pregnant and then going through a termination has obviously deeply affected you. Thank you, too, for telling us about your ‘memory box’ – I think many women who have shared your experience may be doing the same...

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