Funny, I thought it would never happen - forgetting

By anonymous on 14/09/2010
medical abortion abortion 10 weeks

I had almost forgotten about this until I saw these titles of people's stories... Funny, I thought it would never happen - forgetting.

I was 15, when I met the sweetest guy in the world. He was 19 years old.

He was everything I could have hoped for, both physically and emotionally. We got along great, started dating a few months later. We just had one problem: he was black, my family is filled with racists. Excellent, eh?

I have always disagreed with my family's views about this, so I decided to go with my heart and ignore their opinion, Which, of course, meant that I kept our relationship a secret from my family.
"As long as you are just friends, fine", my mum had said before when I told her I've met this guy and some other new people.

So, anyway. We saw each other almost daily, I spent numerous nights at his and spent all my free time with him and his friends/family. I thought that was it, I'd found my true love. If only..

Some months later, early one morning my mum came to me when I was drying my hair in the bathroom before school. She said that as my mother, she knows me in every possible way.

I asked what she meant by that, and she just grabbed the packet of sanitary towels from the cupboard and asked when is the last time I used them. I hesitated for a while, realised I couldn't remember. Mum noticed my hesitation, sighed and sat down on the toilet seat.

"I will bring you a pregnancy test today after work"

"You better start praying it's negative", she said after a moment of silence, and left to work.

I was left sitting there by myself, shocked. Didn't make it to school that day...

So the day passed slowly and finally mum got home. We had dinner as usual, avoiding the subject completely.

After dinner she came into my room, just placed the test on my study, stared at me for a while and told me to come to her after it's done, then left.

I stared at it for a while, then decided to go to the local library, my safe place, to take it so I put it in my pocket and went.

In the library's toilet, I read through the instructions carefully, shaking.

Soon it was done, one line appeared on the screen to tell me it was done correctly. It only took a moment before another line appeared on the screen. I had known it would... How?!

How does one get pregnant whilst using both the pill AND the condom?

I had always thought it was impossible... So what options did I have?

I went home, just turned off the lights in my room and lied there on my bed. Nothing, absolutely nothing was going through my mind. Absolute emptiness. Didn't feel anything, couldn't think.

Eventually that night mum came into my room, sat on my bed and said "You would have told me by now, if it was negative." I nodded, tears now falling down my face.

She asked who the father was (thanks mum), after getting her answer she just got up and told me to think about it carefully. Said that they won't affect my decision, if I decided to keep the baby they would support me.

But then she added; "But I do hope you decide not to keep it..." and left the room.

A few weeks passed, when we didn't mention it. I still went to school every day, kept living my life as normal. Well, almost. I absolutely refused to see my boyfriend. Until he decided he had enough and appeared to my school to see me. So I had to face him.

I told him what had happened, and that I was still trying to decide what to do. I was keen on keeping the baby, but knowing my parents wouldn't really want it as part of our family made it difficult.

And more difficult it became when my boyfriend moved away after hearing the news, looked at me in disgust and told me to go home and never to contact him again.

"I don't want to be a father, especially not yet.

I don't want anyone to know about this, I don't want you to speak to my family again." ...

So he left me, right there and then. I knew that was it, I couldn't keep this baby. That night I spent crying, mourning the loss of my boyfriend and my baby.

A few days later I told mum to book me an appointment for an abortion. She did, never asking a thing. So we went down to the clinic, and after tons of questions, talking and confirming that I knew what I was doing, they got on with it.

I was taken into a private little room, given a few pills to get rid of the baby medically (I was about 10 weeks pregnant).

I can't remember anything about the abortion itself, human mind is a wonderful thing. All I remember is the terrible pain afterwards, that lasted for weeks... But that was just the physical pain, the emotional pain has lasted for years.

Still, I do think I made the right choice. I didn't have anything to offer at that point, I was still a kid myself.

Editor's comment

It must have been difficult for you at 15 to be faced with an unplanned pregnancy, and as you say a shock when you were using 2 methods of contraception. You were faced with knowing that your Mum did not want you keep the pregnancy, and then your boyfriend's reaction must have been heart breaking. Maybe it would still help you to talk to someone about the emotional pain you mention. Even though you felt it was the right choice, it can help to understand and work through emotions that maybe stopping you from moving on. You may benefit from post-abortion help which you can find here.

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