I am 17 years old and had my abortion 3 weeks ago at 7 weeks pregnant.
I remember the feeling looking at my test. I was shaking, felt sick and just cried. The immediate decision was abortion. I went to my doctor’s as soon as I could, confused and not sure what I wanted but I just pushed it all to the back of my head and thought it was the right thing to do.
I got my letter and made my appointment, and then my feelings began kicking in. When I went to the clinic to have a chat and checks, I saw a scan the nurse had to do. I told myself ‘don’t look’ but I couldn’t help it. I saw my baby. Emotions were high for my boyfriend and me and then we even considered keeping the baby. But we made the decision on the circumstances and I went through with the abortion.
It was the worst feeling lying in that bed and then drifting off to sleep and waking up, shaking. I took painkillers and I felt ok. It was done and I could move on.
Now I don’t know if I made the right choice. My heart aches and I am so low and I feel guilt and I just cry. I can’t be around babies. I break down and it’s eating me up. I have bad dreams. I have seen my baby and now it’s gone I just want some way of dealing with this whole experience. Maybe it will get easier - I don’t know - but think about it all so hard before you go through this. All the best x
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is still very raw and recent for you, isn’t it? It sounds as if you went with what your head was saying, based on the circumstances, and now feel as if your heart is bringing up all the emotion attached to the reality of what has happened. The feelings of guilt and heart ache, the dreams, the inability to be near babies and the tearfulness are common reactions, so you’re not alone. I want to encourage you to get in touch with a centre, talk to someone on the helpline or go on Online Advisor. If there is a centre near you, talking to someone face-to-face who understands how you’re feeling is a good first step on the road to recovery.