I had a medical abortion last week…
I woke the next morning, surprised, nothing had happened, no clots, bleeding nothing more than a normal period. I began to panic. It wasn’t working!! I had this constant urge to bear down. I was frightened, confused, just felt weird!! The clots started, I could feel my cervix contracting. The pain was unbearable. My husband gave me a dose of morphine, that seems extreme now but it was needed. During the loss I kept my eyes open for the sac, which I have been told passes almost last in a lot of cases.
It’s now Monday morning, still feel like ****! Weak, dizzy, vomiting, confused, in pain. Again I had the urge to push, went to the bathroom, and passed this strange shaped, almost like a haggis to look at, or even a large kiwi fruit, hard to the touch. It wasn’t a blood clot. Why I did the next thing, I regret and cannot overcome. I was curious. I made an incision with the nearest sharp object in reach. I was shaking. I gently squeezed and fluid came out. Even then it didn’t click.... out popped this perfectly formed baby, two eyes just staring up. I’m sorry but I’ve had four children, there is no way I was only seven weeks. I’m convinced that my dates were correct, and by the stage of growth, what I passed was more like 10-11 weeks. I’ve miscarried at seven weeks before and IT IS just like heavy period, with clotting. When I received my after care call, yesterday in fact, I explained how I felt and what I saw I had passed. The nurse seemed shocked. I was fine until I saw the perfectly formed body. I am left tearful, riddled with guilt, but I had no choice in my circumstances. I’m hoping with time, the image of what I held in my hand will fade away. Good Luck xx
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It must have been very distressing for you to discover that perfectly formed body. By twelve weeks after conception, a growing foetus is about 5.5cm long, perfectly formed and just has to mature and grow. I think you have had a very real shock.
You may be troubled by what you saw and be experiencing some of the post-abortion stress symptoms outlined on the ‘Had an abortion?’ page of this website. Feelings of guilt can arise when we have crossed a line concerning a value that we have. Perhaps you identify with the thought that your head was saying one thing to you and your heart another. It may help you to talk through with an advisor why you are having these guilty feelings. Sometimes our circumstances seem enough to support our choices but deep down something more important is being hurt. Talking to an advisor could be the first step towards coming to terms with what’s happened in healthy way, rather than you just struggling to cope as best you can and hoping it will go away. We’ll be thinking of you.