A surgical abortion 6 months ago
I didn't realise I was pregnant until I started being really sick and felt so tired. I did a pregnancy test on the Monday dinner, and it came back positive. So I phoned my boyfriend at the time, and he came round that night. I was so scared and I didn't know what to do, he was so calm and asked what I wanted to do, I didn't want to answer him, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do, so I told him I didn't know and I didn't think I wanted to keep it.
And he said he thought that was the right thing to do and he would sort it out. So we went to the doctors the next day to find out there was a 6 week waiting list for a termination on the NHS, so he booked privately for the Friday.
I told him I wasn't sure I was doing the right thingFor them three days I contemplated whether I was doing the right thing, and on numerous occasions I told him I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing, and that I wanted to keep the little baby.
And he told me 'don't be daft do you really think you would be able to bring a baby up, do you really want to be one of those single parents?' (He obviously didn't want to stick around). I felt I had no choice, he was right I would struggle alone, and so I went through with the procedure. I had an abortion under a general anaesthetic, and when I woke up, I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I cried my eyes out, it hurt emotionally so much.
The nurses were good and calmed me down. He looked after me, and stayed with me that night, but anytime I tried to talk to him about it after, he has said he doesn't understand why I am upset we did the right thing, and it's done now so forget it. I wish it was that simple, I wish I knew how to put it behind me but I don't.
Some days I get so upset I just cry for no reasonI feel like I am letting everyone down, most of all him, cause I am not strong enough to just put it behind me. If I could give advice to anyone who is pregnant now and considering an abortion, I would tell them to give it a bit time when making a decision, and to be sure to yourself that it is what you want and not what someone else wants. I may have still decided to have an abortion if I hadn't told him, but I would rather be sat here now regretting something I chose to do, than regretting I wasn't brave enough to stand up to him.
Editor's CommentI agree with you that it is important to take time to make your decision, and to talk to someone who can give you accurate information, and help you explore how you really feel. It is also important to make the decision you are comfortable with and not allow someone else to pressurise you. Many women find it hard to move on from their abortion experience and I would encourage you to look for help if you are still struggling. There is a post abortion recovery programme called the Journey that you can do with a trained advisor to help you to come to terms with what you have been through. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area. a>
This story was sent in on 09/02/2011