He was the one who told me to have an abortion and being young, at 17, and very naive, I did as I was told.

By anonymous on 19/04/2007
I had an abortion last year. I was in a relationship with a man who was much older than me, a man I was miserably unhappy with. When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. I thought it would bring myself and my partner closer and I had always wanted a baby. My partner was not happy though. He said I wasn't thinking straight when I said I wanted to keep the baby. I should listen to him; he knew best.

He was the one who told me to have an abortion and being young, at 17, and very naive, I did as I was told. He made sure I went through with the abortion, drove me home and then broke up with me. I was absolutely distraught, not about losing him, but about what I had done. I had got rid of my baby. It tore me apart. I slipped into depression and spent every moment thinking of what my child would have been like.

The feelings of guilt still haven't left me. I will always regret doing what he wanted and not what I wanted. It went against everything I felt in my heart and yet I still let the abortion happen. If I could say anything to anyone thinking about abortion, it's this. There's nothing wrong with having an abortion if you know absolutely it's what you need to do, but if you're not sure, then don't do it. You have to know down in your heart that what you’re doing is exactly what you want or you will always regret it. I know I have. I can't pass a child in the street without thinking of the one I aborted.

Editor’s note: Thank you for writing your story for others to read. Many times I have heard how some women go through with an abortion to do what their partner wants them to do. Sometimes it feels as if a woman has to make a choice between her baby and her man. It’s a heart-rending choice. And many women suffer for it. Women are often hoping that their man will nurture and care for both of them, but often mother becomes separated from child through pressure from a reluctant father.

You are right to say that a woman needs to know deep down in her heart if this is what she wants to do. Your heart was saying otherwise but under pressure you relented only to receive a double blow – lost pregnancy and lost partner.

Now it’s time to think about yourself for a while. It may help you to talk to someone about your experience and walk a journey of post-abortion recovery with the help of an advisor at a centre, or using Online Advisor if there is no centre near you. You can work through your sadness, loss and guilt so that you’ll be able to become more of who you really are, rather than struggling with this experience and never being able to get out of the trap of these negative emotions.

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