I had an abortion last summer

I'm 17 and I got pregnant last summer, I was 7 and a half weeks.
My boyfriend of two and a half years was supportive at first but gave up and started distancing himself from me. He hadn't told anyone as I had told my best friend. He said that he had no one and didn't know what to do and was scared.
After the abortion we started falling apart and our relationship started messing up, he wanted to take space all the time and stopped being himself. He blamed his attitude on the abortion because he wanted to keep it.
His family didn't know and my mum found out because she found the termination letter in my bedroom, my family would have been so disappointed if I kept it.
But I got so scared I didn't even think of adoption. Me and my boyfriend have now split up his family now know, and his mum is pretty upset I didn't keep it.
My ex punished me for it for months. I miss my relationship so much. He won't leave me alone but now he is always getting with other girls when he goes out, although still texts me saying he wants me back etc and then when I see him out he is horrid to me and says that I ruined his life not keeping the baby.
I am really struggling and I don't know what to do, I feel horrible when I see babies cause I feel so guilty. I'm only 17 though, I'm still a kid!!

Editor's Comment

You and your boyfriend were very young when you found out that you were pregnant, and I imagine it was very difficult for you both to think through your decision, and say to each other how you were feeling about the options. It probably would have helped you both to talk to someone independent, and I still think getting some help would be good for both of you even if you are not together any more. If you would like to talk to someone please contact our national helpline or fllow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area. Centres are happy to see partners or ex partners as well.

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