An abortion I will always regret

I fooled around with a man I did not love, and then I was reconciled with my boyfriend.
Around the same time I found out I was pregnant. I immediately assumed that the baby was my boyfriend's. We happily planned a family and a life together.
Then I went to a routine check up and the doctor gave me an approximate date of conception. It then hit me really hard. I was pregnant way before I reconciled with my boyfriend.
It was a difficult time and decision for me. I went to tell my boyfriend. He was very furious. He punched the wall and left me. He abused drugs prior (he was clean for many years), and this crisis pushed him to relapse. I think it was a more difficult time for him than me, because he always wanted to have a baby and start a family. As he turned to drugs and alcohol to numb his pain, I went to have an abortion, which to this day I regret.
When I got pregnant again many years later and with a different man, I cried for many days . During that time I was able to grieve properly for the loss of my first pregnancy. I finally began to forgive myself. I promised to my unborn that he/she will experience life. And I experienced motherhood. The birth really sealed that black guilty hole in my heart which I carried around for many years.

Editor's Comment

A very tough lesson to learn that the consequences of a brief fling can last a long time. Sometimes you can't just rub out a mistake. I am glad that your subsequent pregnancy and birth has brought healing, and that you have at last been able to move on from your abortion experience.
This story was sent in on 18/05/2011

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