When I found out I was pregnant, after a few weeks of thinking carefully, I decided on an abortion
I want to tell my story as I think it would help me in trying to get over the fact I have just had an abortion at the same time as splitting up with my partner.
I was very ill with a chest infection and the contraceptive pill I was taking failed even though I had waited a week. I had this sick gut feeling I was pregnant but ignored it for a few weeks praying I would have a period.
Even though I was in a relationship, it had not been the best because of trust issues and I already had a 10 month old son. I thought it would be unfair to have another child so when I found out I was pregnant, after a few weeks of thinking carefully, I decided on an abortion.
Now this wasn't an easy decision to make. I had already had a baby and was going through all the hormonal changes plus I had started to show a lot from 6 weeks but I was still also scarred from having an emergency c-section also.
When I went to my first doctor's appointment, the doctor arranged with me to go to the hospital for an abortion, at the time I thought I was already 10 weeks pregnant but this was on my own dates and the doctor would not let me go for a dating scan first.
I missed this appointment, which had been arranged for 3 weeks so went back into the doctors and this time saw a different doctor and asked to have an ultrasound to make sure I was actually as far gone as I thought.
Luckily I had got it wrong and was actually 7 weeks so could have another appointment.
I was 12 weeks pregnant by the time I had gone for the abortion
I went in on the Saturday for the first pill and as I swallowed it I knew it was final and there was no going back.
That Saturday night my boyfriend told me he was going out with friends but he actually met a girl off the internet and slept with her.
This began a chain of events which led to him being late coming back on the Sunday meaning he could not come to the hospital with me on Monday so I ended up going alone.
I had already started bleeding but only light with painful but little cramping. Acting strong, knowing I had to do this I went in on the Monday morning where I waited in the room in silence.
A nurse came in and passed me the pills and applicator and told me to insert the pills myself, which I felt was more dignified. She then left me to it, telling me to buzz every time I went to the toilet in a bedpan.
She also told me not to look
I had to put the tissue and pad in there so it was unavoidable not to look.
The pain was there but bearable, I can only describe it as a cramp and then big pressure down below. I lost two blobs of lining and had to take another two pills, this time by mouth.
About 15 minutes later I had a huge surge of pain followed by pressure and an urge to push, where everything come out together.
Now anyone reading this I would tell you DO NOT LOOK!
I only looked to put the pad in and I never thought I would have seen what I did.
At 12 weeks the foetus was a perfectly formed baby
It was small but light skinned and I will live with this image forever.
The fact that I never asked what would happen to it and let them take away my baby like that as if it was rubbish will also stay with me so I urge you to ask what happens to it because I wish I had arranged a service or something.
Two weeks on I have found out what my boyfriend has done and for that I will never forgive him so it is over.
I do not regret what I have done but I do wish I had told my parents sooner as I could have done with they're support at the time instead of solely relying on one person who had let me down.
This story was sent in on 18/05/2011