She borrowed some money then called me to say she was having an abortion

My daughter has a 20 month old daughter whom she had when she was 19.

We all love this baby and gave her all the support we could when she was pregnant.

She lives with the baby's father and they are very happy together.

She said not to ask what the money was for

A couple of days ago she asked to borrow some money and I obliged. She said she didn't want me to ask her what it was for, that she just had something unexpected which came up.

She told me she was going to have an abortion the next morning

Later that night she called me and told me she was going to have an abortion the next morning

It really knocked me back.

I tried to talk to her but she had all the arrangements made and went ahead yesterday and had the procedure done.

I am just in such a turmoil. I am catholic as is she, and I feel such a failure as a mother that I didn't teach her better morals.

I am also devastated by the fact that I actually paid to have this done.

I spoke to her today but found it very difficult as my mind is in turmoil and I just keep crying when no one is around.

I know this had to be a hard decision for my daughter and I want to be supportive but I am just finding it so difficult.

I actually think I'm going to crack up and feel so depressed over this.

This story was sent in on 26/07/2011 and it's been viewed 674 times.

Editor's comment

I am so sorry that your daughter has made a decision that is so hard for you to understand.

Abortion obviously goes against your values and beliefs, and you feel that your daughter has those same beliefs as well. You feel that you have always supported her and can't understand why that was not enough in this situation.

I can understand your pain. I think it is important that you don't take responsibility for what has happened. You say that you feel a failure as a mum, and how you have brought your daughter up, but in the end she is responsible for her own decisions.

You have to accept that she has chosen to override her values and beliefs in this situation, and that is not your fault. I do think it was underhand of her to ask for money for an abortion knowing how you would feel about it.

In the end you still have a choice yourself. You can tell your daughter how you feel about her decision, but choose to reassure her that you love and accept her unconditionally in spite of this.

I think it is important to talk about it as it will always be a wedge between you if you don't tell each other the whole story.

If you would like some support yourself or for your daughter please contact a centre to get information about post-abortion support.

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