I couldn't believe it. "Why me?" I was only sixteen.
Later that night we talked about what I thought I wanted to do. I know what I wanted to do but I was afraid of what my family and his would think, and all I would have to go through pain-wise. Instead, I focused on the negatives. What if my boyfriend and I didn't stay together? What would my grandparents think?
The next day I took another test just to be sure, which also turned out positive. So my boyfriend decided to tell his parents I could be pregnant. They were quite understanding and bought us another pregnancy test just to be sure, and of course it also turned positive. They agreed abortion would be better.
Three days passed and I still couldn't face up to my mom, so my boyfriend did. Her first reaction was, "You're keeping it!" but he told her we had decided abortion. She cried. But she knew where I was coming from. Her parents were strict and VERY Catholic. In other words, no sex before marriage...
The following Monday, we made a doctor’s appointment to see what would have to be done. We started with a blood test. He confirmed I was between one and three months pregnant. He told me to make an appointment with the local health unit, where they did a urine test to confirm once more. We talked about whether this was the right choice for me or not. I then got a referral to a gynaecologist. He did a PAP test and said they would need a blood test to check my blood type and see if I was healthy to have the surgery. He said to be at the hospital the next morning.
Everything was coming at me so fast, I wasn't ready, but I had no choice. I had to go through with it, now or never, and that wasn't an option...March 8th was the day I made a terrible mistake. I made the choice to hurt an innocent eight week baby, and I wish I could turn back time.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us. It seems you experienced your heart speaking to you right from the start, but felt the external pressure of what others would think about you, as well as the pressure of arrangements being made, and didn’t have the courage, understandably, to voice what you really felt deep down inside. You are feeling the pain of regret now. I also wonder how things are between you and your mum. Perhaps she is in pain too, loving you as she does and seeing what you’ve been through.
I know there is help available for you, for your mum and perhaps even your boyfriend. You don’t say much about him afterwards. It’s still early days, but I think it would help you to be able to talk to someone who understands how you are feeling right now.
If you are in the USA, take a look at www.teenbreaks.com and find some support through that site. If you are in the UK, contact your nearest centre, or ring the helpline, or use Online Advisor. You’ll be welcomed, supported and helped towards recovery.