An awake vacuum aspiration

I began to notice something wasn't right in the weeks leading up to the one year anniversary with my then boyfriend. I began to feel nauseous and dizzy but put it down to nerves as A level exams were looming. It wasn't until we went out for our anniversary and the food came out that I knew I was pregnant.
Normally I adore this restaurant, but just the thought of any of it made me feel sick. When I got home that night I could not sleep, and so early the next morning I went to buy a pregnancy test. I told my boyfriend at the time and he was unable to be there, but I phoned him straight away to tell him it came back positive.
However I wasn't lucky enough to have any support from him.

The only response was "you'll have to get rid of it."

At that point I phoned my two best friends and told them what happened, both of them rushed to my house and comforted me, all the while my boyfriend booked the abortion. I felt like I had to go through with it. I was due to go to university and also I felt I would lose my boyfriend if I didn't fulfil his wishes. So we went to the first appointment together although he just waited in the waiting room even though I asked him to come through.
The hardest moment was the scan, I cried knowing that I had been a part of creating it. But the staff there were so amazing and comforted me when I cried and assisted me with what procedure would be best. I was booked in for an awake vacuum aspiration for the following week. During that time I went away with my family all the time feeling more and more guilty that I was about to destroy the baby growing inside me. It made it even worse that I couldn't tell my parents for fear that my boyfriend would leave me like he said he would. I felt so alone throughout that week.
When I went for the treatment I went alone as my boyfriend didn't want to come with me, even though I begged him. I was fortunate that a friend of mine could drop me off however she had other commitments and so I had to do it alone.
The staff there were fantastic and stuck with me throughout. I was so nervous that while on the table they had to stop before they went any further as my heart rate was too high. The treatment was actually a lot better than I expected, I'd just worked myself up too much, and it makes it worse when it wasn't really my decision and I had to do it alone.
I went home after and had heavy bleeding for two days and then that was it, I just had to take my antibiotics for two weeks. An abortion is not to be taken lightly I have struggled with my decision since as I felt I was pushed into it. Needless to say me and my boyfriend are no longer together, as he gave me no support I went to my parents and they have been so supportive and have taken good care of me. All I can say is make sure it's what you want to do, not what your partner wants and also that you have a good support network to get you through.

Editor's Comment

There are many reasons and circumstances why women choose abortion, but the biggest of all these is pressure from a partner, or husband, and the feeling that this choice will save the relationship. Unfortunately a high percentage of relationships break up after an abortion, and for many women they feel as though their choice was based on a lie. I am so sorry that you felt the decision was made for you, especially as your boyfriend was not their for you. Hopefully your university studies will help you to make a fresh start, but do please contact CareConfidential if you need some more help and support.

This story was sent in on 09/11/2011

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