A surgical abortion at 14 weeks and 4 days
Another week went by. My partner was driving two hours to see me every other day because I was in pieces. I felt abandoned and alone, but my desire to keep the baby was enough to keep me going. The university agreed that I wasn't coping well with the stress, and allowed me to have 2 years out. I thought this was ideal- it would mean I would return with a one year old and could move down with my partner (as he would have finished college).
I moved in with my partner and his parents, and to tell a long story short it went very pear shaped. His mother made me feel like it was her baby and got increasingly more controlling. I felt trapped. Relations got slightly better between me and my parents, so when I started to bleed, it felt more comfortable to stay at my parents' house.
Luckily I did, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get to the hospital the next day. The baby was fine, but in my head I was panicking. I started to worry about finances, and I knew that I didn't want to live with my partner's parents any longer. But I also knew that I couldn't stay at home if I kept the baby. I felt like my only choice was a termination.
I had a bpas appointment one day, and then the very next day I had my procedure. I had a surgical abortion at 14 weeks 4 days and so had to have tablets to make my cervix dilate, which made me vomit. As soon as I woke from the operation I was crying. The nurses told me it was the anaesthetic, but I knew it was the deep regret I felt already brewing inside of me. I wish I had just found a way through the problems and kept my child. I look at my university books and just push them further under the bed. Just a day has passed since then, and how I wish I could turn back the clock and find a way to keep my baby.