5 months on, I still regret the abortion

About 6 months ago I had an abortion. I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 19 years old. We had been together 6 months when I found out I was pregnant.

I had just started an apprenticeship in a nursery.

Our first thoughts were "OMG WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!" and we were really excited, but scared at the same time as it was unplanned.

Me and my mum had always been close so I felt less stressed when it came to telling her.

I was so confused - we were happy but we didn't know what to do

I felt like I had no one to talk to as I thought she would have been supportive. The more I spoke to her about it, the more she turned against it and the more upset I got.

I was so confused. I was happy and so was my boyfriend but we didn't know the right thing to do.

We had a massive talk about what we would have to give up and the consequences of going through with the pregnancy, and decided now wasn't the right time for a baby. He had no job, I had just started an apprenticeship, we would have been chucked out of my mum's house and we wouldn't have been able to give the baby the things it needs.

We came to the conclusion that we would go through with an abortion as it was the right thing to do for us and the baby, as it would have been brought up lacking the things a baby should be provided with and in homeless accomodation.

My boyfriend was so supportive through out the whole abortion and my emotions were blank for the first day or two, then I finally realised what I had done and I hated myself more than anything.

It's now 5 months on and I still regret it

If I could change one thing it would be my decision 6 months ago. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do I wish I hadn't done it.

My advice to other young girls is, if you aren't ready to be a mum then please use contraception, as what I went through was the hardest thing I've had to do, and I wish I used it.

This story was sent in on 10/12/2011

Editor's comment

Your first reactions were straight from your heart, with excitement, happiness, and feeling scared all at the same time. Your thoughts then kicked in and you began to worry about all the material and practical aspects of parenting your baby.

It sounds as though this rational side was the one that you listened to, but now your heart is aching with the longing of what could have been and the feelings you had when you thought you were going to be parents.

There is often a battle that takes place between your head and your heart, and pain comes from your heart if you push those feelings down.

If you would like some post abortion support it is available.You can follow this link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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